


A Tale of Horrible, Horrible Consequences From Even Worse Choices, All Made By An Idiot

by NoOneFrUkingCares



Category: EXO (Band), GOT7, Red Velvet (K-pop Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Blind Date, Contracts, House Party, M/M, Magic, Magic-Users, Potions, Snakes, Witches, Wizards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 03:29:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20846795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoOneFrUkingCares/pseuds/NoOneFrUkingCares
Summary: What do witches even do with firstborns? And why don’t they have a proper work and bargain system in place? Junmyeon has nothing but questions, especially as he just bargained away his firstborn for the 10th time this week. Unfortunately for him, this particular witch is actually pretty determined to see their part of the deal fulfilled.





	1. Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise profusely to my brain and the mods (because I don't have a prompter to apologise to and I'm just really sorry for this mess that was me.) This fic, like witches sucking magical power out of firstborns, sucked a lot out of me, probably because it single-handedly completely destroyed my sleep schedule. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy, and this fest is a beautiful thing, so thank you to the mods for creating it, and despite me sounding like a third-class complainer, I did have fun writing it and seeing how creative the other authors are.
> 
> And finally, thank you to my amazing [beta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/extensive_scribe/works) for suffering through the ravings of a madman and turning it into something that isn't the ravings of a madman.

“What do you want?”

This witch is perhaps the prettiest one that Junmyeon has seen so far this year, which was full of people who were perhaps a bit too dedicated to the ugly green and warts or dark and evil stereotype look. They also look the most masculine of all the witches he’s met so far, and Junmyeon would almost expect them to pull out a leather jacket if he asked them to step out.

“Can I trade my firstborn for a small favor?” Junmyeon asks, and the witch snorts, rolling up their sleeves and attempting to start taming the mess that is their hair, little bits and pieces sticking up and out.

“That’s what you come knocking at my door at 3 am for?” Junmyeon nods, and the witch rolls their eyes. “Come in then, I suppose that desperation doesn’t really have a time frame.”

Junmyeon steps into the little witch’s cabin, the first one he’s been invited into this week. This cabin is certainly a lot cuter than the rest, little bottles of potion ingredients all around, books and papers stationary mid-air, and little pots of potions bubbling along, sending various scents into the air as they shift colours every other second.

“My couch is this way.” Junmyeon turns around at the sound of the witch’s voice, and he spots a little living area that is not at all less chaotic, but with more places to sit.

The witch nudges aside some floating books and papers on their way to the couch and Junmyeon follows, hoping that he doesn’t accidentally bump into any of the witch’s things. One encounter with a pissed off witch is all that he needs for this life, thank you very much.

The witch sits down on a worn and comfortable looking green armchair, closing their eyes for just a little moment while Junmyeon perches himself on the edge of the sandy couch, not willing to let his guard down too much. Before even opening their eyes, the witch beckons with their hand in the general direction of behind them, asking for something. That something soon becomes really apparent when a small cup floats to the witch and they take it, steam still rising while the spoon stirs itself. Junmyeon isn’t offered anything to drink and he doesn’t ask for anything to drink. He prefers not to drink unknown substances from a witch.

Junmyeon doesn’t try to speak first, only watching as the witch slowly takes a sip. After swallowing, which took an agonising long time as apparently the witch needed the steaming hot drink to completely cool within their mouth, and without opening their eyes, they speak. “Well, I’m now more awake, so what do you want?”

“A bottle of alls.”

“Alls?” The witch opens one eye, peering lazily at Junmyeon as the spoon keeps gently stirring, clinking hypnotically against the glass cup. “All my potions in one?”

“No. A bottle of your all-potions in exchange for my firstborn.” The witch opens both eyes now, more awake as Junmyeon reaffirms exactly what they thought he said. All-potions, or more commonly referred to as alls, is a single potion that can be used in any circumstance and adapted to whatever is needed. It’s horrifying to brew, apparently, but it’s so powerful that just one drop is needed at a time to do its job. And since most witches spend lifetimes learning how to brew it, they instead brew other potions on a need to use basis, and just keep a bottle of alls for the emergencies.

“A whole bottle of alls? Don’t you think you should offer something a bit more valuable than just a future firstborn?”

“I don’t have anything else, unless you want me to be your servant for the rest of my life.” The witch actually looks a bit intrigued by this proposition, and Junmyeon hopes that they wouldn’t actually take up his offer. The other witches haven’t, and he would rather not live the rest of his life in servitude.

“Huh, aren’t you experienced in these deals.” Junmyeon nods, acknowledging that he has asked for alls quite often. Hopefully this witch doesn’t ask why he doesn’t usually just go to one trusted witch instead of disturbing them at this time, because that’s gonna lead to an awkward place. “Fine. One bottle of alls for your firstborn, especially since you managed to get through all my protections to beg for it.”

“Oh, thank you so much, uh…”

“Call me Baekhyun, Kim Junmyeon.” Baekhyun snaps their fingers and a small bottle neatly wrapped in purple ribbons floats towards them. Baekhyun pulls one end of the ribbon and it unravels instantaneously, revealing the clear liquid inside. Alls.

“Thank you so much, Baekhyun.” Junmyeon doesn’t bother asking why Baekhyun knows his name either. If there’s one thing he’s learned, it’s to not question a witch too much.

“Nice doing business with you. Hope to see you again soon, you feel like an interesting person.”

Junmyeon doesn’t know how to reply to this part, especially since he quite hopes to never see Baekhyun again. Why else would he travel into the middle of forest thickets and woods thickened so much by spells and curses to find witches, when there are potion stores every other street? His life has lost about 30 years already because of curses and stuff that he didn’t manage to dodge quite in time, and while it’s not right to blame everything on witches, his back makes him feel 94. So instead of replying, he just bows slightly and starts heading out. No need to trouble Baekhyun any further when he can show himself out.

Just as he’s closing the door on himself, there’s another voice, much deeper than Baekhyun’s, traveling down the stairs that Junmyeon didn’t notice until literally that minute. Shit, Baekhyun was supposed to be a hermit, no one else around for eons!

But now’s not the time to freak out, when Baekhyun’s eyes are still trained directly on him, cup of whatever still pouring down their throat. So Junmyeon closes the door to the sound of Baekhyun calling back to the mysterious person. Damnit, this is horrible, but it could just mean nothing. Yeah, nothing. He’ll never see Baekhyun again after today, and it’s fine. There’s nothing to worry about.


	2. Anger Burn and Future Bubble

Junmyeon was wrong. It’s barely a week after meeting Baekhyun, and everything’s already gone down the drain. Why? Because that’s Baekhyun, looking clearly not in the best of moods, storming down the sidewalk in skinny jeans and a leather jacket, heading straight for him.

Well, that’s not a problem he’s gonna stand around and wait for. Junmyeon turns around and starts briskly walking away, hoping that it wasn’t actually him that Baekhyun is mad pissed at.

“Kim Junmyeon, stop right there!” Junmyeon stops. In fairness, he probably should’ve expected this scheme to blow up in his face.

“Hi Baekhyun, didn’t expect to be meeting you again so soon.” Junmyeon turns around, hoping to maintain a slight look of not completely freaking out, adding a smile. It probably still looks more like a grimace, but if an angry witch is storming directly towards you, who wouldn’t be scared half to death?

“You’re a dirty and evil contractor!” Baekhyun’s certainly attracting more than just a little bit of attraction, and Junmyeon doesn’t know if he wants to sink into the ground and never exist anymore or if he should let Baekhyun kill him. But then again, Baekhyun’ll probably prolongue the torture, a little bit of suffocation should be a lot better than whatever Baekhyun has in store for him.

“What did I do?” Junmyeon wants to go somewhere with less people, but people means eyewitnesses of his death. The best thing to do right now is play dumb until he can get out and into somewhere safe.

“You know exactly what you did!” Junmyeon thinks back to using his firstborn as a standard form of bargaining with every single witch he’s ever met, and supposes that that was actually something he shouldn’t have done.

“Refresh my memory for me?” Junmyeon asks weakly, hoping to stall his end for a bit longer. And he didn’t even get to tell his parents he was sorry for dropping out of medical school and running away to be a lowkey illegal salesman.

Baekhyun actually growls, and Junmyeon wonders if he should start sprinting for it. But even if he does run into the road and get hit by that speeding car, no doubt Baekhyun would just heal him before he dies. And besides, they’re already right in front of him.

“You have the audacity to promise me a firstborn when you are singler than a half off single day mason jar sale! When the fuck would I be getting a child, huh? When I’m old and dying on my deathbed at 63?” Junmyeon untenses slightly, feeling a wave of confusion rush through his body. What right does Baekhyun have to rush up to him in the middle of the street and just start insulting his relationship status? But then the alternative hits him a second later and he hurries to fix his face before Baekhyun detects anything wrong. Thank gods they didn’t find out about the actual nature of his firstborn bargaining, that probably would’ve gotten Junmyeon smited on the spot.

“Umm, hey now, I might be single right now but I’m not going to be getting a child when I’m that old.” Junmyeon tries, toning down the offence he’s currently cycling through and not adding on that he doesn’t think he’s ever going to be getting a child.

“Yeah right. You’re already wasting away your good looks, but I’m not going to have you be wasting my time.” Baekhyun snaps, grabbing Junmyeon by the shoulders and squeezing so hard that Junmyeon worries for the sake of his bones. “Look at this face! And you’re doing jack shit with it? Clearly if I want to wait for you to give me a firstborn I’ll die first.”

“Um, thanks?” Junmyeon doesn’t know if he should be thankful for the compliment or just offended at the situation and the assumptions Baekhyun’s making, but this doesn’t seem like a situation leading to his certain death. Besides, resistance is too much work and Junmyeon actually likes this new city for once, the apartment he’s renting is actually a good one and at a low enough rate that he can afford alone, which is a blessing and a miracle.

“I’m getting a firstborn within a year. So we are going to find you a partner.” Baekhyun says it so resolutely that Junmyeon feels his head nod without his brain’s consent, which stops immediately as soon as he finally processes the words. What. A partner? A year? Is Baekhyun planning on getting him to fall in love and knock someone up within three months?

“Wait, now hold up-“ But it’s already too late. Baekhyun’s babbling about some stuff relating to a coffee shop and an outfit, strategically steering Junmyeon along with an arm firmly around his shoulders, giving Junmyeon no choice but to move forwards unless he wants to give up his shoulders and head.

“Glad you said yes. Now, where’s your apartment? Your first date is at three and I need to make sure you don’t look a hideous mess. This is going to be fun.” Junmyeon nods, finding it easier to try and tune everything out as Baekhyun goes off, no longer looking so pissed now that they’re focused on torturing Junmyeon. He doesn’t focus on how Baekhyun didn’t add an “or else.”


	3. Fashion of a Venomous Snake

Baekhyun talks the whole way to Junmyeon’s apartment about dates they’ve planned, quick last minute opportunities they’ve taken advantage of, and what exactly they’re planning on doing to make Junmyeon more appealing. It’s like he’s suddenly gained a relationship coach instead of being extinguished from the earth, but he’s never asked for a relationship coach. He tries to not have any relationships, makes it easier for him to do his job and not like get arrested or something.

When they bang their way through the front lobby, courtesy of Baekhyun throwing wide the front door after Junmyeon unlocked it, Junmyeon’s landlord steps out, and Junmyeon prepares to get evicted immediately for the noise. One of the very few clauses in the tenant contract was that he couldn’t make too much noise, and guess what? He just violated it big time.

“Oh Junmyeon, you’re back.” Taehyung greets, face virtually unchanged from the last time Junmyeon saw him, which was when he was signing the tenant contract. The calm smile that just hints at the beginning of a giddy personality seems threatening in a way, and Junmyeon wonders if Taehyung would lecture him about the noise later. The thought flies out his mind immediately, with a snake sliding between the little crack in the open door to Taehyung’s room to poise at his feet.

“Yeah.” Sure, Junmyeon isn’t scared of snakes, but this one slithering straight up to them looks suspiciously hungry. Baekhyun’s sudden elbow in his rib cage quickly snaps him out of that daze, and he hurries to introduce Baekhyun before something bad happens. “This is Baekhyun. My…”

“Friend. I’m his friend!” Baekhyun finishes for Junmyeon, and Junmyeon holds his confusion in place as he nods about as well as he can. Why would Baekhyun say they’re friends?

“Nice to meet you Baekhyun!” Taehyung holds out a hand to shake, the very friendly smile somehow growing larger on his face as he accepts the mess of Junmyeon’s facial expression to be nothing. There’s just something a bit subtly snake-like about Taehyung, but otherwise Junmyeon finds his landlord quite harmless, just nice and cheery.

“You too. What’s your snake’s name?” The handshake lasts about five seconds before Baekhyun’s sliding their hand out of Taehyung’s grip and sliding down to the ground, bringing themselves to eye level with the snake. Junmyeon personally would call that a very bad move, but if Baekhyun wants to do it, he’s not going to stop them.

“Oh, this is Yoongi.” Yoongi shoots forwards, jaws wide open as he aims for Baekhyun’s nose, stopping just shy of biting down, frozen in midair over Baekhyun. Baekhyun doesn’t even blink at the commotion, their smile just growing wider as they stare into Yoongi’s eyes.

“Oh, he’s playing with you!” Taehyung coos, and Yoongi retreats a slight bit to close his jaw and give Baekhyun a disdainful look, if snakes were capable of expression. Baekhyun’s now positively beaming, which reinforces the idea that Baekhyun and Taehyung are both mad, and Junmyeon’s now trapped in a horrible stimulation that is designed to make him go insane. The pinch he gives his wrist hurts though, and Yoongi gives him a slight look that somehow manages to convey that the snake also understands what he’s going through.

“He’s adorable, where did you get him?” Baekhyun asks Taehyung when Yoongi curls around his owner’s legs and starts wrapping around Taehyung as he climbs up, looking like he’s trying to suffocate and then consume Taehyung as he gets higher and higher. Instead of being concerned like an actual normal person, Taehyung just slightly scratches Yoongi under the mouth and receives a disdainful look from the snake as well, before it slithers away into his sleeve and no doubt then acts like a very decorative and deadly belt.

“Oh, some random stranger traded me his egg for a bottle of milkweed. His fangs are deadly venomous, but he’s a softie and would never hurt anyone.” Taehyung replies, acting as if that was completely okay. Maybe this is why he accepted Junmyeon as a tenant as the first place, he’s slightly unhinged and thinks Junmyeon is the perfect person to bring him friends. Which is clearly working as Baekhyun has appeared.

“Well, I need to get going, but is there anything you wanted to tell me?” Junmyeon asks, figuring that he might as well try to get out of the situation as fast as possible while they’re both distracted. But after he asks his landlord if he needs anything, because he was quite noisy and Taehyung’s actually nice to him.

“Oh yeah, can you two keep the noise down? Yoongi wants to nap and I’m pretty sure that my other snakes do too.” Taehyung requests and Junmyeon nods. He would zip his mouth and never speak for the rest of his life if he has to, don’t want to disturb the snakes.

“Oh, you have others?” Baekhyun asks, their eyes lighting up. Junmyeon decides it’s a good time to try and start his getaway.

“Yeah, three others. Wanna come in and see them?” Taehyung offers. Junmyeon slides a little towards the stairs. If Baekhyun takes the offer, then he could escape!

As if Baekhyun knew exactly what he was thinking once again, their eyes flicker to him and then flicker back to Taehyung and Yoongi curled up in his shirt. “Maybe a different time. I need to get Junmyeon dressed for a date right now.”

“Oh. Well then, have fun! And if either of you want to see the snakes any time, you know where my door is.” Taehyung waves a little as he steps back into his apartment, and Junmyeon waves back, making a mental note to never go too close to Taehyung’s apartment,

“Why didn’t you tell me your neighbour owns snakes?” Baekhyun rounds on Junmyeon as soon as they stand again, and Junmyeon hides a roll of his eyes by turning to the staircase up.

“He’s my landlord, and I didn’t know that you like snakes.” Junmyeon finds himself explaining, and wonders where his fear from a few minutes ago went. “I barely know you, we aren’t even friends.”

“Of course we’re friends, you know I love snakes.” Baekhyun claims, somehow catching up to Junmyeon so that they’re now both walking at the same pace, step in step. “Any other snakes around that I should know about?”

_Well, there’s me, but that’s not exactly the type of snake you’d like._

Junmyeon decides to just keep his expression neutral. “No, and I don’t think I will be finding out about any new snakes.”

Baekhyun snorts, leaning against the wall as Junmyeon pauses to open the door to his apartment, digging his key out from the many in his pocket. The door opens easily, even though Junmyeon wishes that it would stick a little like it usually would to save him the trouble of having to go in. He can’t remember if he’s left his stuff lying about or not, because Baekhyun’s going to throw him into a volcano if he did.

But his apartment is normal. Completely and utterly normal, if a bit messy, and not a hint of a potion to be seen.

“What are you standing about for?” Baekhyun asks as they step around Junmyeon and walks into his apartment,

“Don’t just walk in!” Junmyeon hurries in as well, thanking all the gods that Baekhyun didn’t notice the look of pure relief on his face.

“Well you weren’t moving. Now, where’s your closet?” They ask, sliding their feet out of their shoes and directly into Junmyeon’s extra pair of slippers like it was habit, looking around Junmyeon’s living room.

“It’s in my bedroom, stop just walking around!” Junmyeon yelps as Baekhyun takes off down the hallway without him, still in the middle of taking off his shoes. He certainly didn’t perfect being able to just slide his shoes off like how Baekhyun does.

“Man, your room is a mess.” Baekhyun comments, looking at Junmyeon’s unmade bed and the three socks that he was too lazy to toss into the laundry basket. Honestly, it’s barely dirty, Baekhyun’s just being a jerk at this point. They’re already standing in front of Junmyeon’s closet, having shed their jacket and tossed it onto a nearby chair, absent-mindedly fingering the fabric of Junmyeon’s favourite sweater.

“It’s actually pretty neat compared to your house,” Junmyeon mutters as he makes his way to Baekhyun. Baekhyun gives him a glare that implies that they heard it but chose to ignore that remark. Too bad Junmyeon really doesn’t care if Baekhyun smites him or not right now.

“Why is your wardrobe only shirts and pants? Where’s your sense of style? The variety?” Baekhyun exclaims, pushing through Junmyeon’s clothes like they offend them. This actually also offends Junmyeon. So what if his fashion isn’t the world’s most diverse? It’s comfy and managed to survive this long on him, which is actually what matters.

“My shirts look good! And I have more than just shirts and pants.” Junmyeon protests, but Baekhyun continues shuffling around as if they didn’t even hear him.

“I think I’ll be able to work with this, it’s a bit of a stretch but there’s potential.” Junmyeon isn’t sure if he should be offended at this too or not, but then Baekhyun turns around and that thought path is immediately removed. “Now, take your clothes off.”

“What?”

“I need you to take your clothes off so I can make sure you don’t look like a hot mess on your date.” Baekhyun explains, almost impatiently, “There’s not a lot of time before the date, so I need to make sure I can get a good outfit for you.”

“What’s wrong with my current outfit?” Junmyeon asks, looking down at the shirt and pants he’s wearing right now, with his favourite jacket over it. Sure, it’s not exactly date material, but it’s actually pretty good of an outfit.

Baekhyun gives him a glare that says they don’t want to even start listing all the reasons why Junmyeon can’t fucking wear it. “Look, you can either take your clothes off or I’ll take them off for you.” They start towards Junmyeon, hands out to unbutton his buttons, and Junmyeon decides immediately that he’ll just do it himself.

“Alright, I’ll do it myself.” Junmyeon takes a step back, hands rapidly fumbling with his top button, and Baekhyun grins in triumph.

Two hours and hundreds of clothing pairings later, Baekhyun steps back, satisfied.

“There! Now you look like you should be allowed out of the house.” Junmyeon would beg to disagree. In fact, he would beg to be not allowed out of the house. How Baekhyun managed it, he would never know, but his ass is currently trapped in the tightest pair of jeans that Junmyeon thought he had tossed a very long time ago. The turtleneck shirt he’s wearing is actually a nice, soft pink and is something that Junmyeon thought he had lost on a particularly weird trip to the store, but his coat. Oh, his coat.

Why, out of all the sweaters and jackets and coats and blazers and hoodies in Junmyeon’s closet, did Baekhyun choose this one? Well, Junmyeon knows why. It’s because that little worm wants to torture him, even if they had absolutely no chance of knowing exactly what this coat entails. God, fuck the man who made him hate this great coat, by ruining it with one singular stupid memory.

“Baekhyun, I’m not going to disagree with anything you give me, but are you sure we can’t switch to a different coat? Just not this one, anything but this one.” Junmyeon asks, on the verge of begging.

“And what other indigo overcoats do you have?” Baekhyun waits for an answer and Junmyeon refuses to give them the one they’re looking for.

“Fine. Let’s go then.” Junmyeon gives up early and head for the door, Baekhyun following with what Junmyeon knows must be a smug grin on their face. Well, he was going to have to get over this memory someday, and guess this is the day. At least they let him pick his own shoes, though it’s not particularly like Junmyeon has any bad looking, really beat up shoes.

“Her name is Kang Seulgi.” Baekhyun drops as soon as they’re out of the house, Junmyeon locking the door and Baekhyun tapping away on their phone. And suddenly, Junmyeon finds a problem.

“Ummm, Baekhyun…” Junmyeon starts, unwilling to get into Baekhyun’s way now that they look like they’re completely absorbed in their phone, typing essays within seconds.

“Here’s how she looks,” and then Junmyeon’s suddenly staring at a picture of a girl wearing a yellow dress in a tree, beaming at the camera as a breeze teases at her hair.

“She looks pretty.” Junmyeon says the first thing that comes to mind. And it’s not false, anyone can very objectively and clearly see that she’s pretty.

“I know! She’s so sweet too, I’m so glad that she managed to agree on such a short notice.” Baekhyun comments as they cram their head, passing Taehyung‘s door while clearly looking to see if he’s around. Instead, they make it through the front door without Taehyung appearing, and as soon as they step out the front door, Junmyeon knows that he can’t go through with this. The coat doesn’t even phase him anymore, but oh fucking gods.

“Baekhyun!” Baekhyun pauses, one hand holding open the door of the cab that just pulled up.

“What? Is there a problem?” They soften their voice, throwing Jumyeon back in time and to another person who would use the exact same tone.

“No, nothing.” He shakes his head and gets into the car before Baekhyun, who shrugs and closes the door. Oh well. He’ll just have to explain the situation to Selugi. After all, he can’t just drag her out and then stand her up without an explanation.

Surprisingly, the car ride is silent. Baekhyun, with a boldness that Junmyeon somehow didn’t expect even after being trapped in the same room with them for 3 hours, gives the driver an address and then goes straight to sleep, resting their head on Junmyeon’s shoulder like they’re not afraid that Junmyeon might mug them or something. They look so much more peaceful now, and it helps Junmyeon feel calmer in a way he hadn’t since 3 am, but that was with the time forcing peace. Baekhyun looks so young, and once again, Junmyeon’s struck by their beauty.

But wait. How old is Baekhyun? While magicals could live far longer than regular people can, Baekhyun looks too young, probably even younger than Junmyeon himself. What’s Junmyeon supposed to do with someone younger than him? He was an only child, he doesn’t even know how to properly care for himself!

Well, fuck. Junmyeon just wanted some alls. And now he somehow gained a younger sibling? Of course, this could all just be in Junmyeon’s head, but then Baekhyun snuggles in a bit closer to Junmyeon, leeching off his body heat, and Junmyeon resigns himself to a responsibility that he didn’t know he signed up for.

Baekhyun’s phone buzzes a few times, the only sound in the car besides the thrumming of the engines and the bustle of the outside world. They don’t stir at it, but it still worries Junmyeon, as it keeps buzzing, and buzzing, and oh maybe that’s actually an alarm.

“Yeollie? Is that you?” Baekhyun mumbles out, the buzzing of the phone finally getting through that surprisingly resilient brain of theirs.

“No, it’s Junmyeon.” Junmyeon replies as softly as he could, looking around. The numbers on these street plates still seem pretty far from the ones that Baekhyun had rattled off earlier, so they shouldn't be close yet. “You can go back to sleep, we’re not at the cafe yet.”

Baekhyun just nods sleepily, before reaching a hand into their jacket and digging around vaguely, searching for something. Then, they pull out the still slightly buzzing phone and hands it over to Junmyeon, before ceasing their movements and falling back into sleep just like that. What a power move, Junmyeon wishes he had that ability.

Now, however, what the fuck is Junmyeon supposed to do with Baekhyun’s still buzzing phone, one text coming in after another from a person with a LOT of hearts next to their contact name.

And then, it stops, relieving Junmyeon of his problems.

The cab drives into a part of the city that Junmyeon’s never had reason to go into, bustling streets and buildings slowly growing shorter and quieter the more they drive. Here, the houses are barely higher than three stories, and huge patches of trees and grass have appeared. The cab pulls up right in front of a little shop with the most beautiful display out in front, a kind of sleek and shiny metallic sculpture surrounded by stars.

The driver, good man he is, stops the meter while Junmyeon begins the task of trying to rouse Baekhyun.

“He’s pretty asleep, ain’t he?” The driver comments, one arm against the back of the passenger’s seat as he watches Junmyeon nudge Baekhyun softly. Junmyeon wishes that he knew how Baekhyun would react to being woken up, that responses could good and well be anything from hexing Junmyeon into next year or calmly getting off.

“Yeah. THEY’re pretty tired, so thank you for waiting around.” Junmyeon replies, accidentally poking Baekhyun a bit harder than he intended. Baekhyun stirs awake at this, opening their eyes and grabbing their phone from Junmyeon like they had never been asleep in the first place.

“Alright, can you take me somewhere else sir?” Baekhyun asks, responding to the texts with barely three words as they flatten themselves against the seat, without even a word of thanks for Junmyeon.

“Wait, then what are we doing here?” Junmyeon asks, glancing around wildly as if the people passing by outside would suddenly give him an answer. The taxi driver responds by slowly flicking the meter back on, once again charging.

“What, you think I’m going on this date with you?” Baekhyun scoffs. “I don’t even third wheel with my best friend, why do you think I’ll go in with you?”

Junmyeon can’t think of a good response besides an insult that would probably get him hurt, and instead just gets out, carefully stepping over Baekhyun in the seat closer to the door.

“Text me how it goes!” Baekhyun calls after Junmyeon. Junmyeon doesn’t resist the urge to flip them off, facing the car that is speeding away, no longer adhering to traffic laws now that Baekhyun is awake.


	4. In the Coffeeshop Banter and Make

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you learn the author doesn't know how to space out her chapters.

There’s no little bell that tinkles when the door opens, and to Junmyeon’s delight, the whole cafe is in a kind of neutral dark theme with some very key metallic touches, just like the outside piece was. Despite it being the middle of the afternoon, the cafe is actually pretty empty, only a few people sitting around at different little tables, engrossed in laptops and papers and textbooks. If only this place was closer, then Junmyeon could come over every day. But enough fantasizing about a cute cafe, there’s probably plenty of them in the city.

While looking around, Jumyeon catches a glimpse of that exact shade of brown hair, sitting at a little round table with a cup of tea gently steaming next to her and a book propped up in her hand. Seulgi.

He walks up to her slowly, trying to figure out what to say. Maybe he shouldn’t have come.

“Kang Seulgi?” Junmyeon asks hesitantly, wondering if he was actually attempting to apologise to the right person, or if he was suddenly ruining the free time of a completely random stranger with the bad luck of having the wrong hair colour.

“Yeah?” She looks up, and yep, that’s Seulgi. “Are you Kim Junmyeon?”

“Yes. It’s nice to meet you.” She stands up to shake his hand and Junmyeon accidentally bows on accident, as you tend to do when you’re shaking hands with someone who just stood up for you, and then Seulgi bows as well and Junmyeon has to bow deeper and now they’re just stuck in a loop of them bowing over and over while still not letting go of their hands and oh gods this is not at all what should’ve happened. He catches her eye when they’re both in the middle of a looking up bow and reassured by the awkward look also in her face, they both laugh, and finally, stop bowing.

“That was a nice start.” She comments, and Junmyeon snorts.

“You’re telling me.” Seulgi smiles at that, and even though Junmyeon should really really really tell her, he can’t let her just stay standing like this when he just made her get up. “Care for a seat?” He just barely pulls out the seat that she was just sitting in, just enough so that she’ll sit down in it perfectly when she does.

“Oh. Thank you.” Seulgi doesn’t object when Junmyeon pushes her in and rounds over to sit in the seat across from her, though her carefree smile is replaced by a more guarded one, a bit tenser.

“How’s your-”

“Did you-” Junmyeon smiles through gritted teeth and sees the same expression reflected back at him by Seulgi, and his jaw muscles calm down as they both laugh again.

“You first then.” Junmyeon beckons, and Seulgi nods.

“Did you get something to eat or drink yet?” She asks. Junmyeon shakes his head, consuming anything literally the furthest thing from his mind.

“No. I can get something later though. What are you drinking?” Seulgi looks at her own tea, as if noticing it properly for the first time.

“Oh, this?” She picks up the cream-colored cup and holds it out for Junmyeon to smell, a waft of sweetness and comfort floating over to him. “Jasmine milk tea.”

“Is it good?’

Seulgi nods. “Yeah. I get it every time I come.”

“Are you like a regular here?” Honestly, at this point, Junmyeon doesn’t know why he’s still talking. It’s doing nothing but preventing the inevitable.

“Yeah. I live pretty close.”

“Can you recommend me something to drink then?”

Seulgi looks down into her cup, deep in thought, her nose wrinkling a bit. “Well, I love the Jasmine milk tea, but the mocha cappuccino isn’t bad, or the Chai milk tea. Honestly, they don’t really serve any bad drinks, but you probably shouldn’t try and order things to go.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

“No problem.” And back to the awkward silence.

“How about we play a game of 20 questions?” Seulgi pipes up, but then notices Junmyeon’s expression. “Or maybe you should get a drink first, it’s better to talk with something on hand.”

“I’m so sorry, but I didn’t know that this date would be like this.” Junmyeon blurts out, finally getting it over with. “Baekhyun didn’t really tell me anything until we were on our way over and I felt bad about forcing you to come out here and wait so I wanted to tell you in person and not just stand you up but I’m not attracted to girls.”

“Oh.” Seulgi’s eyes are slightly wild, which is a perfectly fine response, considering what Junmyeon had just blurted out all at once.

“Yeah. Sorry about all of this.” Junmyeon moves to get up and bow, but then Seulgi’s shoulders slump down into a relaxed position and she breathes, letting out a breath of fresh air.

“Oh thank goodness.” She sighs, smiling at Junmyeon now. “I’m bi, but I lean more towards liking girls and I only came out here because I’m usually hanging around this cafe and I thought might as well meet someone new if Baekhyun’s asking. I was just about to tell you sorry for coming here because I actually like someone and I didn’t think that I would be able to fully get to know you properly because of her.”

“Who?” Junmyeon usually wouldn’t be so nosy, but there’s something about Seulgi that just makes him feel comfortable, like a friend he’s known for far too long.

“Well, if you won’t tell anyone,” she looks left and right as if spotting for someone trying to eavesdrop and then leans in towards Junmyeon, “she works here and she always makes me my cup of tea and she’s so gorgeous and calm and just so cool.”

Junmyeon, obviously, looks towards the counter over Seulgi’s shoulder. There’s only two ladies standing behind it, probably because there’s such a lull in the shop, but one of them is staring straight at him. And holy shit, her glare is killer. Actually even though she’s wearing a shapeless brown apron over the standard black button-up uniform, she looks killer. Everything about her is killer. If Junmyeon wasn’t gay, he’d probably also have the biggest crush on her. But then again, what’s not to say this feeling of awe isn’t actually him fully and completely ready to give his life up for her immediately?

“Is she the one with long black hair and the choker?” Junmyeon whispers back, still keeping up their secret-sharing facade.

“Yes, how did you know?” Junmyeon meets the lady’s stare and for a few seconds, he feels his life threatened. But then her eyes slide off of him and onto the book in her hand, which happens to be the exact one lying on the table between him and Seulgi.

“Well, she’s glaring at me like she wants me to die?”

“What?!” Seulgi claps her hands to her mouth immediately after she let the sound her, looking horrified at herself while looking around to see if anyone else had noticed her outburst. No one turns towards her, but Junmyeon notes how the lady’s eyes have to slide back onto her page when he looks at her.

“Maybe she likes you too?” Junmyeon suggests, and Seulgi looks like she’s discovered heaven and hell at the same time.

“Yeah right, as if she’ll like me.” Seulgi picks up her cup and takes a sip to rearrange her facial expressions, but when she puts it down, there’s still a very nervous and uncertain smile on her face. “And even if she did, I can’t just go up and ask her out, she’s her and I’m just, !!!” She screams silently into her sleeves before taking another sip of her tea.

“Then want me to do it?” Bold words for someone who is afraid of getting murdered by the lady in his sleep.

“Really? You will?” Seulgi’s eyes shine, before she suddenly bursts her own bubble and pulls herself under the line of reality. “We shouldn’t bother her, and besides, I don’t want to trouble you like this.”

“It’s no problem,” Junmyeon shrugs, still not completely sure why he feels so brave. “Besides, if I could help you two get together, then that means this whole day wouldn’t be a waste.”

“Oh, thank you so much, Junmyeon.” Then Seulgi’s glee comes to a quick stop. “Wait, what are you planning on doing?”

“Don’t worry about it, you just have to sit here and keep reading.” Junmyeon gets up, ready to risk it all. “And if this goes wrong, tell Baekhyun it was all their fault.”

“What?” Seulgi hisses, but Junmyeon’s already on his way to the counter.

The girl on her phone had disappeared between the time Seulgi and Junmyeon were chatting and the time that Junmyeon took to actually walk up, leaving only Seulgi’s girl at the counter. He tries to take as small of steps as he can take, trying to read the menu as fast as he can with his nearsighted ass. Why did he volunteer to do this again? Oh yeah, for Seulgi.

The girl takes the briefest of looks at Junmyeon when he approaches, but then she notices that the other girl is missing and reluctantly slides off her stool, going over to take Junmyeon’s order.

“Hi, welcome to Red Roulette, what can I get for you today?” Her voice is smooth and quiet, but as sharp as the glare she gave Junmyeon earlier, and even though she’s much shorter than him, Junmyeon feels a bit like she’s looking down upon him. She doesn’t try to smile at him. Good,

“Um, can I have a slice of your mint chocolate cake and a cup of jasmine tea with milk?” Junmyeon blurts out the first drink on his mind, seeing as his brain is working overtime to try and decipher the name on her nametag. Bae Joohyun?

“Alright, anything else?” She taps his order into the screen, waiting to see if he would add on. This is it. The moment. Now or nothing.

“Can I also have your number?”

Joohyun does a full stop at this, no longer tapping on the screen but lifting her finger up. If he had thought the glare before was bad, this was full on freezing as she stares at him with all the disgust that she could muster up in the world.

“Excuse me?” Her voice is icy cold, full of all the disdain she could conjure up, and Junmyeon hurries to explain before she takes a pen and stabs it through his neck.

“Not for me, for Seulgi, my friend sitting there.” They both turn to look at Seulgi, and there’s just the slightest whip of hair as Seulgi turns back to try and pretend like she wasn’t staring at them.

“Oh. Really?” Now Joohyun’s voice is a lot brighter, still quiet but hopeful? As she continues to look at Seulgi.

“Yeah. She was talking about how beautiful you are just now.”

Joohyun’s eyes are bright now, focused directly on Seulgi, and Junmyeon thinks he’s done it.

“Oh. Alright. I'll get your order first, your total is seven thousand, five hundred won.” Joohyun practically floats away to grab a slice of cake and to make the cup of tea for Junmyeon, seeming to be operating more on autopilot as she stares at the objects without truly blinking. After she hands over the change, she pulls the receipt off and pulls out a pen from her pocket, scribbling her number down and handing it over to Junmyeon. And even though she takes a seat and appears to go right back to her book after she does so, Junmyeon feels eyes trailing behind him all the way back to Seulgi.

“Well? What did you do?” Seulgi hisses at Junmyeon and he smiles, trying to keep a mysterious vibe for the perfect present.

“Okay, before I tell you, can I have your phone to insert my number in? I want an invitation to the wedding.” Seulgi blushes, rolling her eyes even as she reaches into a skirt pocket to pull out her phone.

“Yeah right.” She hands her phone over with little reservation and Junmyeon types his number in. But then when she reaches forward to take her phone back, Junmyeon makes a new contact and types in Joohyun’s number, watching Seulgi’s eyes go wide as she sees the name at the top of the contact.

“What? Junmyeon, what did you do?” Junmyeon hands Seulgi her phone and the receipt, and she holds onto the slip of paper like it holds a lifetime.

“You two are both reading the same book, maybe you should go talk with her about it.” Junmyeon nudges, picking up his cup of tea and taking a sip, quite like how Seulgi would. And it tastes amazing, sweetened slightly with the knowledge of a successful couple.

“She is? Junmyeon, what do I do?” Seulgi clutches onto her book like it’s a lifeline, barely able to wrench one hand off to pick up her tea and take a sip.

“Go up and talk to her. She’s waiting.” Well, not exactly waiting for Seulgi, but Joohyun is waiting for something to happen, so might as well.

“Oh. okay. Thank you Junmyeon, I owe you one.” Seulgi gets up slowly, turning around as if awaiting a signal that it was a joke. And while Joohyun doesn’t react until Seulgi’s standing at the counter in front of her, Junmyeon sees how her mouth quirks up into a smile before settling down again, and thinks that they’ll be fine.


	5. Eye of Omission and Alls of Frog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does this deserve to be a whole chapter? No. Is it going to be a whole chapter? Yes.

“How was the date?” Baekhyun’s voice comes over the phone, questioning, hopeful, probably already picking out a name for the newborn that they can’t wait to have.

“I didn’t tell you this earlier because I thought you would get mad at me, but I’m gay, Baekhyun.”

A drop of silence. And another. And another, and another and another and another and Junmyeon just waits for it to break.

“What?” Finally comes.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be able to have a firstborn.” Junmyeon admits, and Baekhyun does a cough wheeze that makes Junmyeon really worried about their health, and his own.

“Well, why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” Baekhyun demands, no longer sounding on the verge of death. “I’ve been going about this all wrong.”

“You aren’t mad about the firstborn?” Junmyeon asks confusedly, not sure why they sound not as pisseed as he expected.

“Firstborns are just a title, as long as you adopt what you consider a first child, it still works.” Baekhyun brushes it off, completely fine. “I’m sorry for making you go on a date with a girl, but it’s alright, I can now just schedule dates for you with guys.”

“Oh, the date was actually quite fun.” Junmyeon remarks, putting a lone drop of alls into a bottle nearly full of liquid. He quickly puts the dropper back where it came from and caps the bottle, taking care to seal it completely tight for when he has to shake it. “I helped set Joohyun and Seulgi up, so it wasn’t a complete waste of your time.”

“They’re dating now?” Baekhyun asks, barely contained excitement leaking through their voice.

“I think so.”

“Great! I’ll text you the details about your date later, I’m going to call Seulgi and congratulate her on finally doing it. See ya.”

Junmyeon barely gets a bye out before Baekhyun hangs up on him, sounding far giddier about this than Junmyeon had ever expected. Oh well, now he can get back to fixing up these “potions” for later. It’s the only thing that reminds him that it’s still all worth it, and that making this deal in the first place wasn’t the dumbest thing he’s ever done.


	6. Wool of Time and Heart of Dog

It’s a well-worn routine, starting from the moment he sits up in bed, a gentle quietness still darting about the grey landscape of the bedroom, darkness still reigning before the day. The clock tells 3 am as Junmyeon dresses, silently, pulling on familiar and comfortable garments, a jacket with a hood, and slings his bag over his shoulders.

Sure, Taehyung’s apartment is a great catch because it’s cheap, but also because it has a fully accessible fire escape that Junmyeon slides down, jumping the last few centimeters onto a mattress that he always removes before the garbage people actually pick it up. And after he looks around to make sure that no one’s around, though no one’s ever around in this sleepy neighborhood, Junmyeon pulls up his hood and starts his day.

The eldest child of the family of 5 unlatches the window for Junmyeon to slip through, and after he hands him the mellowed out alls, an invaluable cure for his siblings, he climbs back through the window to the next place.

No one sleeps in Mr. Lee’s neighborhood, and if they do, it’s with an eye open and a hand on a pistol or wand. So Junmyeon chugs his potion of disappearance before he ventures forth, walking close to street corners and even closer to their walls. Mr. Lee once again hands him a singular bill before he locks up his windows and doors, leaving Junmyeon to venture further into the district alone.

If you know where to look, and especially if you know where to knock, there’s a brick with an old curse lingering upon it that hides a shop. There’s always suspicious stains on the walls no matter how many times Junmyeon sees someone scrubbing them, and whispers that even the authorities are afraid to come near.

Junmyeon lets himself in by pulling the brick out and placing it on top of the doorframe, and pulling the brick through the door once he’s in.

Surprisingly for once, there’s no one here in the damp yellow light besides Minseok, sitting alone on top of a repurposed bar top, hands in his pocket and exhaustion in his eyes.

“No crowd tonight?’ Junmyeon asks, sitting on one of the three barstools that he knows for sure is still alright, while Minseok stares ahead like Junmyeon doesn’t even exist.

“You missed the rush. Haven’t you seen the time?” Minseok turns his head towards the false window in the wall, the navy sky lighting into a kind of indigo spectrum, bits of warm colors starting to show.

“Ah. Sorry, I accidentally slept in a bit.” Junmyeon explains sheepishly, and instead of responding, Minseok swings his body around and jumps behind the counter.

“How much did you bring today?” He asks, pulling up a glass and pouring something amber into it, before sliding it over for Junmyeon to drink.

“8 bottles.” Junmyeon takes a sip of the health potion that Minseok is always so nice to pour him as he pulls his part of the deal out and places them onto the countertop one by one. “It would be 9, but I just got a new client today.”

Minseok hums in acknowledgment, and before Junmyeon can blink twice, all the bottles disappear under the countertop and there’s his payment of the week, stacks of neatly folded bills right in front of him, rubber-banded together with the precision that only Minseok has.

“Why do you do this?” Minseok speaks suddenly out of the blue, as Junmyeon quickly removes his payment from sight and pulls out a small dropper of alls, dropping a few drops into his still-half filled glass.

“Hmm?” Junmyeon asks, too smart to be able to believe that Minseok is talking about near drugging him.

“The alls. Making potions, selling them and going around giving them to your ‘clients.’ You don’t have to do any of this, you can leave before anyone decides that the government's approval actually means something to them.” Minseok takes the glass that Junmyeon slides back to him but doesn’t drink, just calmly swirling the liquid inside.

“Well, family inheritance?” Junmyeon shrugs, sliding his dropper back into his bag. He tends to try and not give too much away about himself but he trusts Minseok, even if he doesn’t quite trust anyone else. “My mom used to do this too. I’m not as good at it as she is, which is why I have alls instead the proper stuff people need.”

“You’re doing your best. I just hope that you won’t regret any of this in the future.” Minseok sighs, and Junmyeon gets up to go, finding the indication that this conversation is over.

“Why would I ever regret any of this?’ Junmyeon asks as he walks towards the door. Minseok doesn’t offer him an answer, but the last thing Junmyeon sees as he replaces the brick in the wall is Minseok settling down his glass and giving a slight shudder as his eyes light up again.

It’ll be a train ride back from his newest customer’s house, but Junmyeon can’t bring himself to care when he arrives at the little cottage, boots crunching on the gravel road. He’s met by a little girl, perhaps 6, who leads him through the house to the bedside of her grandparent, so cuddled up in blankets that Junmyeon can’t tell who it is.

“Hey, how about you bring me to the kitchen instead so I can make a tea that will help them get better?” Junmyeon whispers, careful not to disturb the sleeping figure.

“But mommy said that a doctor would be visiting in the morning. Doesn’t a doctor have to check the patient?” The girl whispers back in the fake whisper of kids who haven’t really learned to whisper, and Junmyeon nods, brain whirring for a plausible explanation.

“Yes, but I can see what’s wrong just by one look. And your mommy already told me what’s wrong with your grandparent so I don’t need to wake them up to check them.” The little girl nods, seeing that the logic is sound, and she turns back to lead Junmyeon to the kitchen.

Junmyeon sets the kettle on, picking out some of the herbal leaves that he had bought at the cheap little potion ingredients shop on the way here and dropping them into the teapot, just to make it look like he’s actually doing something besides putting a few drops of alls inside and letting the alls do its thing. The little girl sits quietly at the table, sipping on her own drink, which looks to be a type of milk. Probably goat milk, if the goats that greeted him on the way in was any indication.

He takes the pot off as soon as he can so the kettle wouldn’t be too loud, and carefully drops in five drops of alls as he pours the water into the teapot.

“Alright, so you should have your grandparent drink this pot of tea as soon as they’re able to, and here’s a bottle of medicine that they should start drinking tomorrow, just a cup a day, alright?” Junmyeon puts the teapot and the bottle on the table in front of the little girl, who just blinks at it blankly.

“Can you write this down so I can tell my parents later?” She asks, and Junmyeon nods.

“All you have to do is tell them to have some of this tea.” Junmyeon says, pulling out a sheet of paper and a pen to write down the simple instructions. “Your parents can take care of the rest.” He carefully folds the paper and puts it underneath the bottle of alls liquid, getting ready to take his leave.

“Thank you, doctor.” The girl quietly says, and Junmyeon nods, loathe to accept that honorific. But when he looks up, she’s still hesitating, standing there as if she has something else to say.

“What is it?” She shrugs, swaying slightly from side to side as she gathers up the courage to speak. Junmyeon doesn’t rush her. You don’t rush a child.

“Daddy said that we need to pay you, but we don’t have too much money so we can’t pay you right now, but we can pay you later, is that okay?” She asks, so little yet so relentlessly unafraid.

“Oh, that’s alright. I was just going to ask for a flower as payment, since I see that you have so many outside your house.” Junmyeon smiles, trying to seem like a nicer person. Perhaps he should’ve done that earlier.

“Okay. Just one, right?’ She repeats.

“Just one.” Junmyeon confirms. At this moment, there’s a disturbance from the bedroom, perhaps her grandparent finally getting up. Her eyes dart from Junmyeon to the door, and Junmyeon waves a hand at her.

“I can walk out alone, you should go.” The little girl gets up, nodding, and picks up the teapot and a teacup that was sitting by the side. She hesitates for a second before giving Junmyeon the deepest bow she could manage with the teapot in hand, before she rushes away, calling to her grandparent.

Junmyeon takes the smallest flower there, a little white one that almost reminds him of the girl inside. Ah well, time to go back and face the music.


	7. Adder's Farce and Blind-worm's Fling

“Hey! Where were you? You weren’t answering my texts!” Baekhyun’s standing in front of the door to Junmyeon’s apartment, arms crossed. Oh shit.

“I had to go check up on something and I forgot my phone at home.” Junmyeon explains, trying to keep Baekhyun from going inside. He definitely didn’t put away the bottles of alls after he was done, because he didn’t know that Baekhyun would just fucking show up at his door like this. “What happened?”

“I got you another date.” Baekhyun pulls out their phone, very nonplussed about Junmyeon not inviting them in. Probably because they’re now too used to sitting outside Junmyeon’s doorstep, and a snake perhaps getting out of Taehyung’s room and coming upstairs to find them to play. “It’s a lunch date, since he said he didn’t have too much time to spare. You can just wear something really casual.”

“So you won’t be stripping me naked today?” Junmyeon snarks, getting a roll of the eyes back from Baekhyun.

“You have half an hour and I’ve already texted the address to your phone.” Baekhyun pulls out their phone and taps out a message before shoving it back into their pocket, which obviously exists only as a result of magic in their thin, very much skin-tight jeans. “I have to go check up on something too, but there’s going to be a red car waiting outside for you when you’re done.”

“Alright, see ya then.” Junmyeon receives a two fingered salute from Baekhyun on their way out, not daring to properly breathe until he hears the telltale click of the front door in the silence.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Junmyeon finally unlocks his door and goes back into his house.

The first thing he does is hide the alls again, putting them all away properly for once. Only after his heart finally recovered from the scare and Junmyeon gets to declare his impromptu cleaning session complete does he decide to get changed into a casual outfit that Baekhyun would actually approve of.

With 10 minutes left on the clock to get to the restaurant, he knows he’ll be late by a few minutes anyways, so Junmyeon tells the driver to drive as fast as possible without breaking any laws. Apparently, he should’ve specified laws of traffic and not laws of physics, because she pulls him up to the door with two minutes left to spare and a desire to lie down for a quick second as he recovers.

Junmyeon hands her the biggest bill he has in his wallet before staggering into the restaurant, knees nearly giving out a couple of times before the waiter thankfully seats him and brings him a glass of water.

Surprisingly, his date has not actually arrived, or had decided to use a fake name so that the waiter wouldn’t be able to tell Junmyeon that he had gotten there, if he did ever get there. It drags on for 10, then 20 and eventually after 40 minutes of just taking up a booth in the midst of the lunch rush, Junmyeon gives in and orders himself lunch. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s been stood up, but it marks the first time that someone on a blind date that Baekhyun arranged for them did.

Baekhyun pops by again in the afternoon, strolling in like they belong there as Junmyeon attempts to take an afternoon nap. Then again, Junmyeon has given up on locking his door when he’s at home. If one of Taehyung’s snakes wants to strangle him or if a robber wanted to come in and take his things and kill him in his sleep, might as well just let them do it.

“So how did your date go?” Baekhyun asks casually as they plop themselves onto Junmyeon’s bed next to him. Today’s clearly one of their messy days, where Baekhyun dresses like they crawled out of a secondhand clothes store’s pajamas section and tends to act a bit like it too.

“Nonexistent. He didn’t even show up.” Junmyeon remarks. Now Baekhyun can’t even say that it’s because he didn’t have Baekhyun do it like what happened with those dating app meetups.

“Ah.” Instead of replying, they just lie their head on Junmyeon’s stomach and probably just listens to him breathe. It’s nearly been 3 months of this mess, in which time Baekhyun had somehow transformed into a dating coach or maybe a friend. They’ve gone on diets together, run together, even took a tango class together because Baekhyun had tickets and didn’t want to waste them when their first choice had to drop out. Is it a little embarrassing that Junmyeon’s first and truly good friend would probably murder him if the truth gets out and acts like a relationship coach? A bit. But then again, isn’t that how most friendships go?

“I know!” Baekhyun shouts, somehow with the strength to do that but not sit up properly. “A party.”

“A what?” Junmyeon repeats, irritated that the tendrils of sleep were just finally getting to him but were scared away by the sudden noise.

“A party. My friend Jackson’s throwing a party soon, so we can go to that and oh! You can meet my partner and it’s going to be so much fun.” Baekhyun claps their hands in glee, something that Junmyeon unfortunately does not share the sentiment.

“Is this like a magicals party, or is he a regular?” Junmyeon asks, finding a hot new take on a reason why maybe he shouldn’t go.

“Oh, he’s a high-class wizard but he’s super chill. Honestly, I don’t know if half the guests are magicals or not, he just knows everyone and everything.”

And if that isn’t the most reassuring thing in the world.

“Everyone and everything?” A bit of doubt might’ve crept its way into Junmyeon’s throat, because Baekhyun raises their neck 3 degrees to look Junmyeon in the eye for 3 seconds.

“Look, he’s had very high success rates with couples, like half the couples together today met at one of his parties.” Baekhyun drops their head back onto Junmyeon’s stomach, no care for how that might make Junmyeon feel. “If you can’t find someone there, then I’ll eat a cucumber.”

Damn. Baekhyun, eating a cucumber? Junmyeon’s going to need a camera for this.

“Alright, then I’ll go.” Junmyeon caves, physically hearing Baekhyun brighten up as they see the end of what they originally thought would be a completely easy challenge, finally close to having a firstborn. Junmyeon just sees it as a chance to see Baekhyun eat a cucumber without trying to scrape their tongue off. Either way, Junmyeon’s not going to lose anything here. “When’s the party?”

“Tomorrow.”


	8. Witch's Friend and Witch's Sting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might want to carve out a bit of time before reading this.

From the outside, it looks like nothing but an abandoned warehouse. A breeze ruffles the grass that had grown out in front from disuse, and when Junmyeon tries to peer through the dirty glass, he can see nothing inside but more dust.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” Junmyeon asks, and Baekhyun scoffs.

“Of course. Jackson wouldn’t give us a wrong address.” Then they take a step back and look over the warehouse too. “Yeah, this does look suspicious, but I bet it’s because he just put a teleport that’ll take us to the real place. He’s done that before.”

Then, as if they actually managed to reassure Junmyeon, Baekhyun steps up to the door and grasps the handle. The door is old and rusted metal, and Junmyeon honestly doubts if Baekhyun really knows what they’re talking about. It takes a long time for Baekhyun to even open the door, straining against the rusted and squeaky hinges, and Junmyeon wonders countless times if he should just step up and help, to a sudden bout of movement that discourages him from actually doing so. After Baekhyun finally gets the door open, they’re staring into a dark and damp looking abandoned warehouse, with light streaming through broken windows onto long ago forgotten boxes.

“I know what it looks like, and I’m going to have to have a sternly worded talk with Jackson later.” Baekhyun grumbles, clearly unwilling to risk dirtying their new heels by stepping into the room.

“Fine, I’ll walk in first.” Junmyeon knows this is stupid, and that he shouldn’t act as the guinea pig by volunteering to do anything first, but then he steps over the threshold and oh holy fuck.

The door behind him isn’t a rusty and abandoned warehouse door with Baekhyun waiting on the other side, but a simple wooden door leading out to a hallway in what looks like an apartment building. And in front of him? That’s definitely a fucking party.

“See? Jackson wouldn’t give us a wrong address.” Baekhyun appears out of nowhere, stepping into existence through what is probably a portal that Jackson made, pulling the door closed behind them. “Now, let’s go have fun!”

They latch onto Junmyeon’s hand and drags him forwards, into the crowd. When Junmyeon looks back one last time, he can see the door they came through melting gently into the wall, until it’s gone entirely.

Even if Junmyeon knew nothing about this party, he would’ve clearly known that this was a party of magicals. The huge feel of magic is everywhere and settling on everything, from the people talking in small groups with cups of whatever drinks is being served, to the dj playing music from speakers that hover and wander above the crowd like trained air puppies.

Baekhyun pulls him first to the bar and shoves a cup of whatever the bartender had handed them with a wink into his hand, the witch having five tumblers going all at once as she mixes at a speed that no regular person would be able to achieve. They take the second glass offered and immediately drinks, about half the glass gone in one sip.

“Hey! It’s supposed to be savored, not chugged, Baekhyun!” She complains, pouring a glass and sliding it to another witch passing by with her friends, who picks it up without stopping their walk or their conversation.

“It’s just because it’s so good that I want more of it immediately, Yeri. Can I have another glass?” Yeri rolls her eyes but still slides the next glass over to Baekhyun, who finishes their first glass and passes it back to her.

“Who’s your friend today?” She asks, motioning towards Junmyeon with her head, pausing slightly to start a new cocktail while her recently used tumblrs rinse themselves.

“I’m Junmyeon,” Junmyeon replies. This is it. She’s going to immediately figure him out and oust him as a regular attending a magic party.

“Nice to meet you, Junmyeon. Where did Baekhyun pick you off the streets this time?” She jokes, pulling out a bottle of vodka to pour for someone who would probably be passing by immediately.

“I didn’t pick him off the streets!” Baekhyun protests, and since Junmyeon doesn’t really have anything to say to that, he finally takes a sip of the drink in his hand. To his surprise, it’s a mocktail, tasting brightly of mint with a false hint of alcohol. Shit, he’s going to have to make it his new favorite drink.

“This drink is amazing. What’s it called?” Junmyeon blurts out, probably interrupting Baekhyun, but that’s the point as he downs the rest and returns the glass to Yeri.

Yeri beams a bit louder. “Another happy customer! It’s a mock mint mojito, but I’ll get you something alcoholic when you come back later.”

“Nice to know your prophecy skills still works fine, now we’re going off to go socialise and talk to a bunch of people.” Baekhyun waves to Yeri as they drag Junmyeon off into the crowd once again, faces and voices blending together into a mess of nothing and everything at once.

“Wait, where are we going?” Junmyeon digs his heels in slightly and Baekhyun finally stops moving, stopping in place for a second. “Do you have a specific person in mind that I have to meet, or can you please stop dragging me around?”

“Hmm, I was going to take you to meet Jackson, but we can always see him later. He’s not going to leave his own party.” Baekhyun’s eyes scan the room, looking for people that Junmyeon will apparently need to meet immediately. “Quick tip, if you ever need to use the bathroom, don’t go through that door, it’s an exit.” They point at a very nondescript and standard door in the wall near the corner of the room and a piano, for some weird reason, and Junmyeon marks this down as important information in his quest later.

“Okay.” Baekhyun nods, clearly glad that Junmyeon has marked this down in his heart as very important information, which just heightens the confusion that Junmyeon has about that door. Must’ve had a traumatizing experience searching for the bathroom before.

“Oh, I know.”

There’s a small group of people gathered in one place and without ceremony, Baekhyun pushes their way into that circle, forcing everything to take two steps away to open the circle for them.

“Hey everyone, I’d like you to meet Junmyeon,” Baekhyun announced, draping themselves over someone immediately so that Junmyeon could take their spot.

“Hi.” Junmyeon waves slightly while this group of people sizes him up, from the pants on his body to the slightly open shirt that Baekhyun flat out insisted he doesn't close, and he agreed to on the account that Baekhyun looked like they would fight him, and since Baekhyun also tripped over a corner of Junmyeon’s bed and he had to check on if they were fine. They were, they were also just really confused at how they got onto the floor in the first place, slowly reacting as if trying to categorize what was going on with their limbs.

“Nice to meet you. How did you have the misfortune of bumping into them?” Junmyeon looks for the person who spoke and oh damn. He’s pretty. But then again, everyone probably says that, because there’s just something that screams softness in his face, and makes him look better than half the female models out there.

“Hey! He approached me first, Luhan!” Baekhyun whines, jumping into a side of them that Junmyeon didn’t know that they could access so easily. But then again, their whole character is slightly brattish.

“And why would anyone want to do that?” The one Baekhyun hangs off of joins in teasing, and Baekhyun’s fake pout grown even more down-turned as they try to appeal to this person for sympathy. He has a softness hanging about him, but there’s also a hardness and grace that wasn’t as present in his friend. But also, is this a pretty people convention? Not a single one of these people that Baekhyun barged into looks even remotely unattractive.

“Yixing!” Baekhyun reacts with more shock, pushing off, a lifetime apparently betrayed.

“Sorry for those imbeciles, I’m Jongdae.” The one on Junmyeon’s left cuts into the one-sided squabbling, handing a hand out for Junmyeon to shake.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Junmyeon.” Jongdae nods and begins to point everyone else around them out.

“Okay, so that’s Yixing and Luhan, Jongin, Sehun, Zitao, and Kyungsoo.” Everyone gives Junmyeon a nice wave when Jongdae’s pointer passes over them, helping him while some look like they’re about to jump straight into attacking Baekhyun. Sehun and Zitao’s glances are like the polishing of the sword before a battle, and Jongin laughs a little when Sehun says something under his breath for only he to hear.

“So where are Yifan and Chanyeol?” Baekhyun had somehow managed to navigate themselves in such a way that they’re completely hanging off of Yixing, and Kyungsoo sighs as he walks over to help Yixing drag the parasite off.

“Your husband isn’t here yet, and obviously Yifan isn’t either.” Jongdae calls as Kyungsoo pulls Baekhyun back with surprising speed, and Luhan quickly takes their place, sticking his tongue out at Baekhyun in the most mature response ever.

“Just because you haven’t gotten cock for weeks doesn’t mean you get to jump his bones as soon as you two are alone.” Sehun(?) teases and Baekhyun doesn’t even have the decency to blush, just huffing once more.

“I didn’t come here to be bullied, so I’m leaving. Cmon Junmyeon, I know that you at least won’t treat me like this.” Baekhyun grabs Junmyeon’s wrist and pulls him forward.

“Give me a bit more time and I can also leave you for dead.” Junmyeon comments, and Baekhyun rolls their eyes as they leave the little group, Zitao calling something unintelligible after them that earns him a rude hand sign from Baekhyun.

“Yeah, yeah, I know everyone tells me this a lot, but tonight isn’t about me, so shut up.” It’s too bad that Baekhyun’s long lost their edge. Junmyeon doesn’t even flinch at this threat, but he closes his mouth anyways, no witty comeback coming to mind.

The crowd around them grows as Baekhyun tries weaving around people in more and more twisted ways, eventually so much so that Junmyeon feels like one of those tokyo drift racers, barely about to make a turn without completely leaving a mark on the floor. It’s almost suffocating in a way, so thankfully Junmyeon isn’t claustrophobic, tracing the way out with the hand on his wrist.

Just as Junmyeon thinks they’re through, it happens. In a way almost like something appearing out of nowhere, the body appears, just in time for Junmyeon to slam face-first into.

“Oh gods, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Junmyeon asks, finally able to pull his hand away from Baekhyun in order to ask this confused guy if he was always looking a bit confused or if Junmyeon needs to pay a hospital bill for brain damage.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” The guy rubs his temples a bit more before his facial expression changes back to a slightly less worrying one, and then holds a hand out for Junmyeon to shake. “Nice to meet you, I’m Jimin.”

“Oh. Nice to meet you, Jimin?” Junmyeon’s still not completely convinced that Jimin isn’t immediately going to sue him, but hey, if he wants to be nice, why would Junmyeon disagree?

“Junmyeon? Nice seeing you here!” Taehyung pokes his head out of the crowd and slings an arm around Jimin's shoulders. “You’ve met Jimin?”

“Yeah, just did.” Junmyeon replies, and Taehyung nods, satisfied, as Baekhyun jumps back into the conversation from the crowd.

“Oh Taehyung! Nice to see you again, how are you doing?” Baekhyun asks, back to all smiles and less hurt.

“Great to see you, Baekhyun. I haven’t really introduced you to my snakes yet, have I?”

“No. You brought your snakes to this party?” Baekhyun sounds very excited, as if they would want nothing more than for Taehyung to just pull a snake out of nowhere, even if that sounds more likely to start a riot.

“Yeah. Say hi to Jimin!” Taehyung points at him very excitedly, and huh, that explains why his eyes are slits. Junmyeon thought that was just a style choice.

“Oh! It’s so nice to meet you, you’re a shifter, Jimin?” Baekhyun asks, holding a hand out for Jimin to shake.

“No. Taehyung just turns us human once in awhile to commit tax fraud.” Jimin says sweetly with the cutest smile, and Baekhyun practically pulls him into a huge hug, cooing all the while.

“Yoongi, Hoseok and Jungkook are around here somewhere, I’ll introduce you guys when they get here.” Taehyung replies, seeming completely unconcerned that Jimin just completely exposed him. “Oh, there’s Yoongi!”

A figure in white turns around at the sound of his name and walks over, someone else in bright green following behind him with three cups in hand.

“You’ve met Yoongi, before, both of you?” Taehyung asks, releasing Junmyeon from his grasp to take one of the cups the green snake shifter holds, while Yoongi in white grabs the other.

“Yeah, nice to see you again,” Junmyeon replies, since Baekhyun looks a bit preoccupied with giving Jimin all the affection they can muster.

“And this is Hoseok.” Taehyung introduces the one in green, who grabs Junmyeon in a hug despite not asking for one. “That’s Junmyeon and Baekhyun’s hugging Jimin.”

“Nice to meet you!” Hoseok says, radiating a level of happiness that makes Junmyeon jealous.

Yoongi turns back towards Taehyung, snapping his fingers as he apparently remembered something. “His door.”

“Oh yeah!” Taehyung nods as if suddenly remembering something, though just referring to a door makes as much sense as turning your snakes human just for fun.

“What about a door?” Junmyeon asks, seeing that it seems to involve his own door.

“I need to update the privacy spells on your door, so remind me later.” Taehyung smiles, as if saying that would make everything make sense.

“What privacy spells on my door?” Was Junmyeon here for the conversation where it was decided that there would be privacy spells on his door?’

“The standard stuff, so magicals can’t just stroll in whenever they want, and would need your permission or a copy of the key. You’ll be fine a bit longer without an update, but there’s going to be an inspector visiting so I need to get it updated.” Taehyung shrugs. Very nonchalant about all of this. A lot more things make sense now. And Junmyeon thought that Baekhyun only stayed outside because they were trying to be polite.

“Okay. Thanks for everything.” Junmyeon replies.

“No problem. It’s just my job.” Taehyung smiles. Hoseok whispers something into his ear and then he and Yoongi disappear back into the crowd, leaving Taehyung to make their excuses.

“I’m going to adopt Jimin.” Baekhyun declares, looking very likely to actually do so. Jimin just laughs, knowing that they can’t actually do so.

“No! I love my snake son!” Taehyung holds his arms open for Jimin to walk into them and Jimin does, leaving Baekhyun looking considerably hurt despite being without a claim to Jimin in the first place.

“Well, I’m going to take them away before they try something illegal, see you guys later.” Junmyeon waves, pulling Baekhyun away despite their protests, watching Taehyung and Jimin laugh together.

“Junmyeon, how could you?” Baekhyun asks, looking for the most part, very betrayed.

“I’m not going to let you do something illegal like trying to steal Jimin from my landlord.” Baekhyun pouts, punching Junmyeon’s arm. And ow, that actually hurt pretty badly. “Didn’t you say that you wanted me to meet someone else?”

“Yeah, didn’t you say that you wanted him to meet someone?” A voice comes from behind, and Junmyeon and Baekhyun both whirl around at the same time to see a tall man in a beautiful coat. His voice sounds just familiar, where did Junmyeon hear this before?

“Yeollie!” Baekhyun jumps into Yeollie(?)’s arms, getting spun. Ah, that’s where.

“You still need to introduce me to Junmyeon, Baekhyunnie.” He says, and Baekhyun comes back onto their own two heels to properly speak to Junmyeon again, but keeping one hand firmly in their boyfriend’s.

“Yeah yeah. This is my partner, Chanyeol.”

“Hi.” So Chanyeol was that guy Junmyeon heard so many months ago when he asked Baekhyun for the alls in the first place. What comedic irony. 

“Nice to meet you.” Chanyeol offers his free hand to shake, and Junmyeon takes it, feeling just slightly intimidated.

Baekhyun whispers something to Chanyeol and he nods, letting go of Baekhyun’s hand and whispering something back to them. Then, he disappears back into the crowd, waving at Junmyeon right before he does so.

“Okay. I’ve gotten confirmation that the person I am looking for tonight is actually here, so we’re going to find him now.” Baekhyun grabs Junmyeon’s hand, starting forwards purposefully once more.

“And who is this mysterious person you’ve dragged me half around this party looking for?” Junmyeon asks, being prepared to be led once again.

“You’ll see.” Baekhyun replies, which is actually no help at all. They don’t lead Junmyeon on a wild goose chase this time, heading forwards toward the bar area with quick purpose and speed.

“Back for more I see,” Yeri winks at them, sliding two cocktails over past a guy already sitting at the bar. “Enjoy.” She says before walking over to the other side to serve some girls waiting for her service.

“S-” Junmyeon goes to comment about his drink but Baekhyun roughly cuts him off, clamping a hand to his mouth. When Junmyeon goes to try and express exactly how confused he is with his facial expressions, Baekhyun removes their hand and shakes their head, handing their drink over for Junmyeon to hold. Junmyeon takes the two drinks in hand, watching as Baekhyun creeps up behind the person with a look like they’re about to do something that would earn them an enemy.

“Ah!” Baekhyun jumps onto the man, and the man shrieks as well due to the sudden appearance of a gremlin witch suddenly attaching themselves to his back.

“Baekhyun! This isn’t funny! I have heart problems!” He scolds, turning around with a practiced familiarity as Baekhyun stands back on their own two feet, smiling at the man they just ambushed.

“I’m sorry, but I’m excited because I haven’t seen you in a while. How else should I greet you?” Baekhyun smiles innocently at the man, who just looks irritated. But that irritation is perfectly explained away by Baekhyun.

“Nice to see you again too, but don’t do that. What are you doing here?” His irritation fades away to a slight smile, and oh shit, he’s hot.

“Well, I just want you to meet my friend, Junmyeon.” Baekhyun introduces, walking over to push Junmyeon slightly forwards and taking their drink back.

“Nice to meet you.” Junmyeon holds a hand out to shake, holding onto his glass with his other hand. His eyes are beautiful, and if he managed to stand Baekhyun for so long that they’re familiar enough to do that, he can’t be a bad person.

“Nice to meet you, Junmyeon. I’m Wu Yifan.” Yifan. That’s a nice name.

“Okay, you two talk to each other, I’m going to find Yeollie.” Baekhyun dips with a two-fingered salute, wandering off into the midst of the party and leaving Junmyeon alone with this near-stranger.

“Well, there goes the only person I know at this party.” Junmyeon deadpans, watching Baekhyun disappear.

“You know me now.” Yifan says, and that’s true. “How about you take a seat, I feel bad keeping you standing alone.”

Junmyeon smiles, putting his drink down as he gets onto the seat next to Yifan. “We’ve all been doing a lot of standing tonight, but if you insist.”

“Fair. Is this your first time at one of Jackson’s parties?” Yifan asks, taking a swig of his drink.

“Yeah. Baekhyun invited me so I’m sure if I’m actually allowed to be here.” Junmyeon sips the cocktail and oh, this tastes great - Yeri really is a miracle worker.

“Oh don’t worry about not being allowed here. Half the people here don’t even know Jackson besides the fact that he’s the host. A lot of people tend to invite friends and before you know it, Jackson’s gotten a reputation as the best party thrower.” Yifan waves off Junmyeon’s concern, and yeah, that settles the pain in his chest slightly.

“So regulars are allowed? It’s not like an all magicals only party, right?” Junmyeon asks, just wanting to make sure.

“Regulars?” Yifan asks, a furrow coming between his brows.

“Yeah. Like, non-magical people?” Oh, that’s certainly a change in tone.

“Well, they’re allowed, but why are you asking? Are you a regular?” Yifan’s tone turns frosty immediately, and while he might be Baekhyun’s friend, Junmyeon has enough experience to know that he should get out immediately.

“Yes, I am. And if you’re shallow enough to judge someone based on if they have or don’t have magic, then I don’t know why the fuck Baekhyun chooses to associate themselves with someone like you.” Junmyeon scoots his chair back, tossing down the rest of his drink as he gives Yifan a sharp smile, before turning around and stalking into the party.

“Wait, I’m sorry, Junmyeon!” Yifan calls after him, a look like sudden regret coming over his face, but Junmyeon doesn’t have time for that anymore. His first thought is to get so far into the mass of bodies that he’ll never see Yifan again.


	9. For a Mess of Powerful Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And some time for this.

By the time Junmyeon has stopped walking, he managed to successfully finish his goal of being far away from Yifan. However, he also has no clue where he is, where anyone he’s ever met tonight is, and what to do. Maybe he shouldn’t have come.

“How’s the party going?” A random stranger asks, and Junmyeon specially turns around to make sure that this man in all pink is actually talking to him.

“Are you talking to me?” Junmyeon points at himself, and the pink guy nods, a smile on his face growing larger.

“Yeah. How’s the party going? You don’t look like you’ve been having the best time.”

“Oh, just met someone who I thought was cool but turned out to be a bit of a jerk. I’m fine, actually.” Junmyeon replies, not sure how this man managed to read him so easily.

“Jin!” Another man weaves through the crowd, clutching onto someone and panting to a stop in front of Junmyeon and the pink guy. “Don’t just run off like that!”

“But I was making a new friend,” Jin smiles at Junmyeon, and Junmyeon smiles back, not sure how this situation turned so quickly. “Say hi to…”

“Junmyeon. Kim Junmyeon.” Junmyeon provides his own name when Jin trails off, and the man chasing after Jin nods.

“Well, this is my fiance Namjoon, and our borrowed son Jungkook.” Jin motions first to the man chasing after him and then to the guy who Namjoon was dragging along, who pouts at being referred to as a borrowed son, though Junmyeon’s not sure if it was the son or the borrowed part that he dislikes.

“I’m not your borrowed son.” Jungkook protests. Hmm, his name sounds really familiar.

“Well, I can’t say son or Taehyung wouldn’t be too happy about that.” Jin continues, and oh, that’s why.

“You’re Taehyung’s snake?” Junmyeon butts in, and as if the word snake triggered it, Jungkook’s pupils flash, changing into slits for a seconds becoming round again.

“You’ve met Taehyung?” Namjoon asks, calming down and seeming to release some tension in his body.

“Yeah, he’s my landlord.” Namjoon makes an ah expression as Jungkook tiptoes to tell him something.

“Well, it’s been nice meeting you Junmyeon, but I’m going to find my borrowed son some water.” Namjoon says, waving slightly as Jungkook drags him away this time.

“Jungkook’s a bit shy, and it’s also past his bedtime, so don’t be too bothered.” Jin excuses, watching his family walk away with a fondness in his eyes.

“Ah.” Snakes have bedtimes? But then again, it could just be human Jungkook suddenly gaining a bedtime.

“Anyways, do you also want something to drink? I could really go for a cup of wine, and Jackson always likes to put the good stuff in the back.” Jin says, ready to take off.

“I think I’m good. Thanks for finding me though.” Junmyeon thanks and Jin just pats him on the back.

“No problem. I’ll be back soon.” And then, despite wearing one of the brightest shades of pink, Jin seamlessly disappears into the crowd.

Despite what he said to Jin, Junmyeon does find the want of a drink arising, but something non alcoholic. Maybe some juice. He did see a huge carton of pear juice earlier, and there’s nothing stopping him from getting some right now.

So after following his memory in a bunch of circles, Junmyeon takes a seat on a couch, hard-won plastic cup of pear juice in hand.

“How are you enjoying the party?” The similarity in wording is so jarring that Junmyeon nearly expected to see Jin again when he looked up, but the voice is different.

“It’s going great.” The owner of the voice accepts this as a proper answer and sits down next to Junmyeon, a mix of what looks like pear juice and some hard alcohol in his own plastic cup.

“Jackson’s parties are great and all, but after a certain point you get pretty tired and kinda want to just go to sleep. Or maybe it’s just me.” The guy continues, looking really comfortable on this particular couch.

“Oh. It’s my first party, I don’t really know how stuff works.” Junmyeon admits, reaching over the edge of the couch to pick up the juice carton and pour himself some more.

“Oh. Sorry, I thought you were someone else for a second. I’m Mark, Jackson’s best friend.” Mark holds his hand out to shake, and Junmyeon takes it, hurriedly capping the juice.

“I’m Junmyeon.”

“Cool, cool. Who brought you along? Next time I’ll have Jackson send the invite to you.” Mark asks, reaching for the carton and pouring more pear juice into his own cup.

“Um, Baekhyun. Do you need my number?” Mark shakes his head, tossing the empty carton into a trash can halfway across the room.

“I can just search you up in the great big book of people that Jackson started. Unless you’re a regular?” Mark downs about half his cup in one gulp, looking slightly more alive after that drink.

“Yeah, I am. Is it okay that I’m here?” Mark nods, finishing the rest of his drink.

“Yeah, Jackson doesn’t care as long as it’s someone who knows how to drink responsibly and wants to have fun. Why?”

“Just making sure.” Junmyeon sips on his own pear juice, feeling a lot better about things.

“Alright. But, then yeah, I actually do need your number. Can you write it on my cup?” Mark asks, extending a pen and his cup.

“Sure.” Junmyeon scribbles his number down, wondering if Mark really had no better thing to write on than a plastic cup.

“Cool, thanks.” Mark takes his cup back, ripping out the number from the plastic, and then sent the remains of the cup into the trash can across the room while tucking the number and his pen back into whatever pocket he had pulled it out of.

Junmyeon chugs the rest of his cup of pear juice, feeling surprisingly at ease with Mark. Maybe it’s because Mark acts like there’s nothing more important to him right now than to just take a nap, but the music’s too loud for that to happen.

“Want some more? I know where the rest of the pear juice is stored.” Mark offers, and that actually does sound like a good idea.

“Sure. Do you also have some lychee juice?” Junmyeon asks, following Mark forwards as they edge along the outside of a crowd.

“Of course. I wouldn’t be a good assistant host if I let Jackson throw a party without lychee juice.” Mark says, pulling a cup out of someone’s grasp as they pass, ignoring their hurt expression and a cry of “Mark!” coming after them. Junmyeon hopes for their sake that they’re good friends.

“Assistant host?” Junmyeon has never heard of an assistant host before, but there’s always a first time for something.

“Yeah. Jackson claims it’s because he wants help planning these things, but it’s just because he wants to make sure that I stay for the whole party and don’t sneak off half-way through to have noodles without him. Here’s the juice.” Mark pours a generous amount of the pear juice into Junmyeon’s cup, before topping it off with the lychee.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” Mark says, watching Junmyeon chug a stupidly large amount of juice not even three hairs away from bottles of vodka and spirits.

A loud clinking suddenly echos through the room, as if someone decided to tap a large spoon against the world’s largest glass cup, and a hush that could only appear from a witch demanding attention spreads over the crowd while someone climbs onto a tabletop.

His hair is completely white, maybe bleached or maybe natural, and even though Junmyeon has never seen him before, he can already tell that there’s something about him that just sets him apart. This must be Jackson. Jackson then stomps his heels against the table he’s currently on top twice, and clears his throat. His voice then booms over the crowd in a way that is not harsh but is just reasonably loud, and the music turns down.

“Hey y’all. Sorry to interrupt the party, but there’s been a bit of a problem. Nobody panic, but HPSPC officers have found out about this and are getting ready to infiltrate the party.” There’s then an immediate communal head swivel towards two people, who instantly step back to back, falling into a defensive position. Surprisingly, it’s actually Namjoon and Jin, Namjoon’s facial expression not changing much but with a harder undertone and Jin’s pleasant smile completely replaced with a scowl, hands gripping tighter on his glass and lifting up, as if ready to throw a punch.

“Oh c’mon, not the invited HPSPC officers.” Jackson says, exasperated. “On a side note, my two best friends just got engaged so let’s have a round of applause for that!”

A wave of cheer rises up and Namjoon and Jin untense into the friendly people Junmyeon had met earlier, hands clutched within each others and taking a slight bow.

“Who’s the HPSPC and why are they here?” Junmyeon whispers to Mark, taking this slight opportunity to ask before it goes deadly silent again and he gets outed as an idiot.

“Oh, they’re basically the magic cops. People don’t like them all that much because they enforce shitty laws at shitty moments, and one of those laws happens to be that a huge gathering of magical people cannot be done without a previous announcement to the High Offices. It’s also why most of Jackson’s parties are illegal.” Mark replies in a normal tone, clearly less concerned about this than he. “It’s been the third party in two months they’ve managed to track down, they’re actually stepping up their game.”

“So you’re going to all get arrested?” Junmyeon continues, another wave of cheering rising up for Namjoon and Jin under Taehyung’s guidance.

“Well no. Only if we get caught.” Mark shrugs it off as Jackson manages to grab the attention of the crowd again.

“But anyways, while I want no one to panic, everyone should get out of the house by any means possible. No breaking through stuff because this is a rented space and no teleporting, it doesn’t work. And again, no panicking, but EVERYBODY RUN!” Jackson jumps off the table into the crowd, and in an instant, everyone goes wild and starts running. Junmyeon turns around to find Mark but Mark’s already gone, and with no one that he can see in sight, not that he’ll actually be able to identify anyone with the blurs of motion, Junmyeon runs for the door that Baekhyun told him was a secret exit.

He barely wrenches the door open and gets in before a boom of red appears, and the music finally goes silent with the wave of smoke suddenly covering the empty party hall, Before Junmyeon can identify anything else, someone else shoves in and closes the door, hissing “Move, move, move,” into Junmyeon’s ear, and Junmyeon runs forwards into the darkness.


	10. Like a Hell-brought Loss and Rubble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly all the words are concentrated very disproportionally in the last few chapters.

A pair of feet echo against the ground, panting breaths against the backdrop of black. The polished hardwood quickly disappears to the gravel and loose stones of a cavern, all the sounds amplified as they bounce around the walls.

Junmyeon stumbles a little, nearly falling against the floor due to a loose stone, and he gasps out.

A hand catches him right before he trips entirely, and they start slowing down. There’s no sound besides their pants in the air and the kicking of their feet as they get careless, too exhausted to do much more than that.

“Wait, can we stop? I don’t think there’s anyone chasing us.” Junmyeon figures, and the sound of the feet moving with his own comes to a stop.

“I’ll get us some light.” The voice seems surprisingly familiar, and the hand wrapped in his own falls away, leaving Junmyeon alone in the dark again. Immediately after, a small flame burns in midair, and Junmyeon stares past the cupped flame into the face of the person who holds it.

“It’s you!” Junmyeon cries, and Yifan rolls his eyes.

“Well, I’m not particularly happy to see you either, but you don’t really have much of an option when you’re fleeing a party.”

“Thanks, appreciate it so much.” Junmyeon starts walking away from Yifan, but he’s not even completely out of the range of the little fire Yifan holds before Yifan’s hurrying to catch up with Junmyeon.

“It’s better to move together, and you can’t exactly see anything.” Yifan makes some very good points, which is why Junmyeon doesn’t try to walk away from him and lets Yifan hold his hand up to shine light onto the floor in front of them.

“Can’t you make that any bigger?” Junmyeon asks, seeing as that little light, while a light, isn’t going very far.

Yifan concentrates for a second, and then the fire in his palm grows and flies up, hovering in the air like a sentient lamp that follows Junmyeon forwards.

“Thanks.”

“Look, I’m sorry for what I said earlier, the last regular I met was pretty nasty and it wasn’t right for me to take it out on you.” Yifan apologizes. Even if he isn’t completely sincere, there’s not really time to squabble when they’re trying to find their way out, is there? Yeah, forgiving him would be the rational act for right now, and if they still have a problem, they can just fight it out later.

“Oh. Well, don’t worry, I’m also a pretty big jerk.” Junmyeon smiles to diffuse the tension, and Yifan answers with a slight smile too, relieving the air completely. Unfortunately, that lets other things to settle in, such as the realisation that they are probably lost, existential crises, and self-hatred. “Where do you think we are?”

They’re walking aimlessly, heading just away from the direction they came from with nothing but an unspoken agreement that they can’t go back that way. With the little flame, Junmyeon can see that they’re in the middle of a huge cave, walking past stalagmites and stalactites. Honestly, with all these things, it’s a surprise that Junmyeon didn’t just straight up fall over something and bash his head on the rocks earlier.

“I have no clue.” Yifan admits, which is of the utmost comfort, thank you Wu Yifan so much. “Jackson likes to connect that door to a random place every time, and I guess we have the bad luck of landing here.”

“What do you mean, bad luck?” Junmyeon asks, not entirely sure he wants to know.

“Well, we could’ve walked out into the middle of town and now we wouldn’t be wandering around.” Junmyeon groans and Yifan hurries to tackle on. “But then again, we could’ve been like Baekhyun. They were searching for the bathroom and walked straight into a hall of mirrors.”

“So that’s why they told me about this door.” Junmyeon figures.

“Yeah, that’s probably it.” Yifan agrees. “Do you want to just start over with introductions? I mean, I was a pretty big ass.”

“You’re still on that?” Junmyeon teases, thankful for this sudden cut into the awkwardness that was settling again. “Sure, I’m Kim Junmyeon, and I’m apparently an asshole.”

“I’m sorry, I really am!” Yifan whines, and he suddenly looks ten times better now that he’s not completely serious.

“Yeah yeah, speak.” Junmyeon waves away their concerns, a smile coming onto his face.

“I’m Wu Yifan, witch, nice to meet you.” He holds a hand out to shake and Junmyeon takes it. But wait...

“Wait, you’re a witch? I thought you were like a mage or a wizard or something.” Yifan rolls his eyes at that.

“What, men can’t be witches and women can’t be wizards? I’ll have you know that my aunt is the High Wizard of the Sholin council.” But this time, there’s not the same bite as there was earlier, probably too conscious of what they both had done earlier.

“I’m not saying that, I’m just saying that all the witches I’ve met were either female or nonbinary.” Junmyeon explains, stepping around a puddle.

“It’s probably the title. Gods, just because most ladies prefer to specialise more with potions to get that good and established money doesn’t mean that males can’t be witches.” Yifan’s getting heated now, the playfulness in his voice lowering the more they speak.

“I’m not denying that, why are you getting mad at me?”

“Do you even know what the differences between a witch and a wizard are?”

“Yes, of course I do!”

“It doesn’t seem like that though.” Yifan grumbles, and guess it’s back to square one.

The silence is a bit much after so long of having words to fill the silence, but maybe it’s better this way. Suddenly, there’s a crash in the distance, and while Junmyeon was not scared, he nearly completely jumps into Yifan’s arms.

Yifan smells like a mix of lavender and the scent after rain, calming and grounded. Junmyeon remembers thinking that he was the perfect size for hugs, and just proved that hypothesis. Yifan’s arms are so warm and somehow comforting that by the time Junmyeon realises that it’s socially inappropriate to be clinging onto Yifan like this, he doesn’t want to pull away.

“What do you think that was?” Junmyeon whispers, suddenly not wanting to move too loudly.

“Probably just an animal or something,” Yifan whispers back, both of them staring at the darkness where the sound came from.

Then a little bat flies over, swerving back and forth with a surprising amount of shakiness, nearly bumping into several things, before ultimately bumping into another stalactite and disappearing. Junmyeon and Yifan both break into nervous laughter, because now he’s scared of bats, really?

“I wasn’t scared, I thought you might’ve been cold with those sleeves.” Yifan denies first, not attempting to pull away. Junmyeon doesn’t bother pointing out he’s wearing a long-sleeved silk shirt.

“I wasn’t either, I needed a hug.” Junmyeon says too, moving away first. But when he goes to retract a hand, Yifan grabs it.

“Just to make sure I know you’re here.”

If Junmyeon was a bit more cynical, he would point out that Yifan could very well know that Junmyeon’s here by using his eyes, but being able to anchor himself down to Yifan is a good idea.

“Alright. So, how do you know Baekhyun?” Junmyeon asks, attempting to start a conversation so that they’re not left with a chance for fear to creep in again.

“Oh, um, do I even remember that?” Yifan trails off slightly in thought, nearly tripping over a rock because he’s not looking at the ground. “I think it was probably in middle school, because my friend Zitao threw a stone at them and nearly broke Baekhyun’s arm for flushing his math homework down the toilet.

“I wish I could say that surprises me, but it doesn’t.” Baekhyun seems like the type of person who would flush someone else’s math homework down the toilet.

“Yeah. But we’ve been friends more or less for the past few years, and they haven’t killed anyone or flushed someone’s homework down the toilet, so I call it a success.” Yifan smiles, very happy about the turn of events, and oh no, he looks great with a smile on his face. The harsh and cold image is completely gone, and Junmyeon almost feels safe and secure in this moment. Almost. The cave background is a real damper though.

Then Yifan’s smile falls off like it’s been shot, and he pulls Junmyeon to a stop. Oh. A fork in the road. Kinda.

The path to the left isn’t a path. It’s more of a huge pile of boulders haphazardly stacked around, more like a beginner rock climbing wall than anything. But it goes up. The path to the left just continues on in the unending cave sort of fashion.

“Which way do you want to go?” Yifan asks, looking back and forth between their two options.

The bat flies into mind, and Junmyeon suddenly has an idea. This might’ve been around where the bat had crashed, and it had to have come from somewhere.

“Turn off the flame for a second. I want to see something.” Yifan gives him a questioning stare. “Just do it, alright?”

“Alright.” The flame flickers once and then goes out like someone pinched it, throwing them suddenly into really dark darkness. Junmyeon closes his eyes and is suddenly very glad that Yifan had suggested holding hands, because this is just plain unsettling.

They pass the few seconds in silence as Junmyeon waits for his eyes to adjust, and finally, he sees it. Well, not it, but something. A very very fuzzy outline in the dark of the stone in front of them, which means that there’s got to be light coming from somewhere. And it certainly wasn’t from the cave, they‘ve spent forever wandering around in there and Junmyeon saw jack shit.

“Let’s climb up.”

“Why?” Yifan asks, and Junmyeon reaches a hand out, to make sure he doesn’t walk head-first into a piece of sharp rock.

“Take two steps towards the stone.” Yifan obeys. “Can you see anything?”

“No?”

“You sure you can’t see the outline of the stone?” Junmyeon presses, and Yifan hesitates.

“Well, I can, but your point?”

“The point is that you can at least see that, so there’s more light here than there was. If we climb up, we’re going to bump into something with light, and hopefully it’ll be the surface.” Junmyeon explains, turning towards Yifan, who just stays quiet for a bit.

“Aren't you smart?” And somehow, this doesn’t sound patronizing.

“I dropped out of medical school.” Junmyeon twists the conversation onto better terms, and Yifan snorts. “You can make another flame now, I’m not going to climb this rock with barely any light.”

“Oh yeah, sorry.” Another fire blooms in Yifan’s palm and he sends it up into the air, floating near the stone to show them where to put their hands.

“You should go first.” Yifan suggests, and while that is a very rational suggestion, that doesn’t mean Junmyeon wants to go along with it.

“Why?” Junmyeon is so thankful that he didn’t wear heels like Baekhyun did, or this would’ve been a lot more of an uncomfortable occasion. That doesn’t mean he wants to go first though.

“You’re smaller so it’ll be easier to catch you.” Yifan states. “Besides, I doubt that you’ll be able to catch me.”

Junmyeon shrugs, not going to argue. The rock wall isn’t actually that steep, actually more of a trickier staircase that you might have to use your hands to climb up than an actual rock wall, which is good because then Junmyeon would’ve never been able to climb it. He takes an experimental step, and the stone under his foot doesn’t give out so Junmyeon grips a nice groove with his hand and starts on his way up. There’s nothing but the silence of him slowly pulling himself up, little by little, until there’s the accompaniment of crunching from Yifan starting up underneath him.

“So how did you meet Baekhyun, Kim Junmyeon?” Yifan asks, covering the fear of accidentally misstepping onto a loose rock with the conversation that was cut short.

“Me?” Junmyeon laughs out, visions flashing of all the shit he had pulled in order to end up meeting Baekhyun, and ultimately get into this situation. How much can he tell Yifan before some sort of a magicals morality would pop up and Yifan makes his death look like an accident? That would actually be pretty easy in this situation, and nope that path of thought is gone.

“Yes, you, unless you want to ask Mr. Stone over there.” Yifan jokes, seemingly taking Junmyeon’s anxiety for confusion.

“Well, I made a contract with them because I wanted a bottle of alls, and promised my firstborn. And then they showed up a few days later and then started trying to set me up with people, and here I am, climbing this rock wall with you in the middle of the night.” Junmyeon rants. Well, now Yifan’s going to call him stupid and kill him.

“A firstborn? Really?” Yifan snorts while Junmyeon finds absolutely nothing funny about this situation.

“I didn’t have anything else to offer and I was desperate!” Junmyeon protests, accidentally pulling off some pebbles that clatter to the ground along with visions of Junmyeon’s broken body. Nope, nope, nope.

“Well-”

“What do y’all do with firstborns anyways?” Junmyeon cuts Yifan off, needing to focus on something besides his immediate death. “Collecting other people’s kids is just weird and creepy. Aren’t there supposed to be some kind of law on this by now?’

“Well, I only ask for firstborns because I genuinely like kids and if you haven’t figured out by now, I don’t think I’ll be able to have one of my own. And firstborns are such an arbitrary and weird bargaining amount, people usually ask for money.” Yifan replies, seeming a lot calmer about his possible death than Junmyeon.

“Yeah yeah, you’re not answering the question.”

“We don’t ask for kids, first of all, and we certainly don’t do anything weird to the kids if we do ask. For one, we can obviously take care of them better than the stupid parent who just sold their kid for whatever quick-fix trick that they wanted like 5 years ago. Kids just inherently have more raw and potential magic energy, so they’re handy to have around and can even strengthen some certain aspects of magic. We usually ask for firstborns because even if the parents don’t care, the fact that they’re a firstborn gives them a little bit more of emotional energy, which makes it more stable to get magic energy from.” Yifan’s tone doesn’t go cold, but it gets professional in a way that reminds Junmyeon of his university professor, a good man who deserved a lot more than he had gotten. It’s kinda calming in its own way. Goddamn, fuck Junmyeon’s unfulfilled dreams of becoming a professor.

“Really?” Junmyeon asks, actually genuinely interested despite himself.

“Yeah. Witches have always been pretty linked to kids, you’ve heard all of the stories, though they’re mostly bad. Haven’t you heard of the old wives’ tale about what makes a witch?”

“No. I tend to try to not spend too much time with old wives.” Junmyeon snarks, and even if he’s too scared to look down, he can physically feel Yifan rolling his eyes.

“Well, they like to say that everyone who isn’t magical is descended from a firstborn who was raised by a witch. Their magic power is sucked out by the witch while they’re a child, so they don’t have any magic energy to pass down to their descendants. The witches are just descended by those people who didn’t marry a descendant of a firstborn and had the luck of having good enough parents who did not sell them to a witch. Of course, that’s all completely shit, but the part about witches drawing magic out of children is kinda true. Everyone has a certain amount of magical ability, it’s just that some people can express it and others can’t.” Yifan explains, his little flame growing brighter with the enthusiasm as he speaks.

“So why don’t like wizards and mages ask for firstborns then?” Junmyeon wonders.

“We don’t ask for firstborns, and you clearly don’t know the difference between a witches and wizards and mages.” Yifan complains, clearly fed up with what he thinks is a stupid question.

“I do!” Junmyeon protests.

“Prove it.” Yifan challenges, and Junmyeon takes that challenge to heart.

“Witches focus generally more on potions and use a wand, wizards use a staff and focus more on spells, and mages are witches and wizards who decide to do work in a really really specific part of magic, like some elementals. Right?” Junmyeon dares to look down to sneak a glance of Yifan nodding slightly, passing the challenge with flying colours.

“Well, there are a lot more classifications and requirements, and in some weird cases someone can be a witch and a wizard at the same time, but you’re generally right.” Yifan gives in, and Junmyeon is so tempted to say _I told you so_, but decides to refrain at the moment for the sake of civility.

“So why don’t wizards and mages ask for firstborns then?” Junmyeon repeats, question still unanswered.

“Some mages do, but you’ll probably call them a witch so it doesn’t really matter, does it? Wizards don’t need firstborns because they’re usually just releasing a very small and specific burst of magic energy at a time, while witches need a lot of magical energy over a long period of time to brew their potions. Firstborns just happen to be a pretty convenient form of a lot of magical energy because unlike most others, they don’t take magic energy from you when you’re taking magic energy from someone.” Yifan finishes, giving Junmyeon a few seconds of silence to fully soak up the information.

“You’re pretty good at explaining this.” Junmyeon notes.

“Thanks. I’m in training to become a professor.”

What did Junmyeon’s 6th sense say before? Professor.

“You’ll do a great job, I understand everything perfectly.” Junmyeon states truthfully, suddenly feeling a surge of something telling him to let Yifan know he appreciates him.

“Thank you. You were great at listening.” Yifan compliments, surprisingly. Now he’s just being overly sweet.

“I’m not, I’m actually horrible at listening to people. You don’t need to sugarcoat it.” There’s a brush of something against his ankle, and Junmyeon looks down to see Yifan frowning up at him. “What?”

“You are good at listening, you don’t need to bring yourself down to make me feel better.” When had Junmyeon done anything of that sort?

“I’m not. No one’s told me that I’m spectacularly good at listening, so you can see that I’m not.”

“Well, I think you are, so you are. In fact, I’m going to ask if you have time to just sit around and listen to me talk before I go in and have to do it for my official tests because no one likes to sit around listening to me ramble about random things but you’re good at listening.” Yifan spits out. Maybe it’s Baekhyun’s fault, or maybe it’s definitely Baekhyun’s fault, because the first thing that jumps into Junmyeon’s head is “is this a date?”

“Okay. I’ll show you how horrible I am at listening. When do you want to do it?” Junmyeon shoots back, shoving down those feelings _screaming_ date.

“I know this cafe with a really good breakfast and the best coffee. If we go around 9 in the morning, we’ll be after the morning rush and I can ramble on for a bit without anyone complaining.” Yifan pauses for a second, and Junmyeon suddenly thinks about possibilities of Yifan immediately redrawing the offer. “I mean, if you want.”

There is nothing in Junmyeon that is not saying that is actually adorable, and Junmyeon shoves down the feelings wanting to coo at being able to sit in a cafe in the morning while having good coffee and listening to Yifan lecture, which are amplified by those stupid rocks they are still climbing. Instead, like a loser, he just says, “That sounds great.”

“Cool. I’ll text you to arrange a day?” Yifan asks, and Junmyeon snorts. It wasn’t on purpose, it just came out.

“How about we get out of here first? Then I get your number and then you text me to arrange a day.” Junmyeon suggests instead, the smart part of his brain suddenly alive.

“Alright.” Yifan accepts, a sheepish smile on his face. Then it suddenly falls and he opens his mouth to say something else. “Watch out for y-”

“Ouch!” Junmyeon exclaims as he smacks his head directly into the top of this stupid cave thing, the warning not having come fast enough. He redraws his head back slightly so he’s not going to smack his head against the top again, and looks up. There’s a glimmer of the moon from a small crack, which means the surface, but the only problem is that hole to the surface is so small that Junmyeon would’ve been able to fit through if he was still in elementary school.

“I’ll open the hole up a bit more so you’ll be able to get through, so close your eyes so you don’t get any dust in them.” Yifan volunteers, staring up at their means of salvation with a very determined look in his eyes.

“Okay.” Junmyeon draws back into himself as much as he can, squeezing his eyes shut and praying that Yifan wouldn’t accidentally crush his neck. There’s silence, and then a crunching of rock and some swears from Yifan, and then a breeze brushes against Junmyeon’s hair, alerting him to open his eyes again.

Junmyeon drags himself up the last few centimeters before collapsing finally on solid ground, never having been so happy to finally be on dirty cement and gravel. “Oh thank goodness, we’re alive.”

“Ditto.” Yifan breathes out from where he collapsed next to Junmyeon, the moonlight falling over them as if to congratulate them for surviving.

But they can’t just lie there forever, and a stronger gust of wind comes by, as if reminding Junmyeon that they need to get up and go. When Junmyeon sits up, he’s blown away by the view. They’re on the top of a hill, broken and bare with the look of a deserted beauty. A bit higher on the hill behind them is a graveyard, rusted iron gates slightly ajar as if to invite them in. Junmyeon declines the invitation as nicely as he can and turns back towards the downhill slope, the city before them illuminated by the night lights. If Junmyeon squints slightly, he thinks that he can even see the little coffee shop across the street from his apartment, still lit up with those ridiculous red lights that apparently outshine everything else in the city.

“Where are we?” Yifan asks, looking out over the city with Junmyeon. But he isn’t focusing on places, eyes latching onto familiarity. He looks endlessly lost, almost like the hill itself.

“On top of a hill.” Junmyeon receives a playful hit for that, and despite himself, he smiles. “Okay, I don’t know exactly where we are but I know how to get to where I live. Where do you live?”

“No clue.”

“Excuse me?”

Yifan looks at Junmyeon’s expression and hastens to finish the sentence. “Okay, of course I know where I live but I don’t live in this city. I live a few cities away and I was visiting Jackson for the party, so I’ve been staying with Zitao.”

“Don’t you have a spell or something to figure out your way back?” Junmyeon asks, getting off and dusting gravel off his pants.

“I should, but I never got that far in learning spells. I only know how to make a flame and things hover and stuff like that because it’s useful.” Yifan accepts the hand Junmyeon extends and pulls himself up. “I’m a witch, for gods’ sake!”

“Then do you have your phone?” Yifan shakes his head again. Truth be told, Junmyeon can’t judge because he doesn’t exactly have his own phone half the time either, but really?

“I didn’t think I would need it. Do you have your phone on you?” Junmyeon shakes his head too, and Yifan reflects his own judgmental look at him.

“It’s at home. But we can walk there, so I’ll call Baekhyun for you and figure out how to get you home.”

Yifan shrugs, apparently seeing no other choice. “Then let’s go.”


	11. Cool it with a Broken-heart's Blood

The cafe is closed by the time Junmyeon gets to his street, but he quite literally has never been so glad to see the familiar building. The lights in front of his building haven’t been turned on, probably because Taehyung was doing them manually while he fixed the automatic ones. Instead of going straight up the stairs to his own room, Junmyeon strides down the hall to Taehyung’s door and knocks, ignoring the confused look from Yifan trailing behind him.

“My landlord was also at the party. It looks like he’s not back yet.” Junmyeon explains, turning away after getting no response.

“Ah.”

By the time Junmyeon finally gets to his door, he’s ready to collapse into bed and sleep this whole ordeal off as a bad dream, if not for the slight problem following him up. Automatically, he unlocks the door. And remembers the problem as soon as he finished swinging the door open.

“Why on earth do you have so many potions?” Yifan asks, staring at all the flasks full of alls dilations slowly brewing away, taking up almost as much space as the papers Junmyeon left scattered all around the floor. Shit.

“Look, I can explain-” Junmyeon’s cut off by Yifan pushing past him and walking straight in. Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“You said that you met Baekhyun while asking for a bottle of alls. Why the fuck do you have so much then?” Yifan asks, staring at the five bottles of pure alls clustered together on a coffee table where Junmyeon had decided to put it in order to not mix it up with something in the process. He looks up towards Junmyeon to ask for an answer, all hints of previous good cheer and exhaustion gone with this clear issue.

Junmyeon takes a calculated risk and closes the door, locking himself in with Yifan. If he doesn’t explain this, some worst shit is going to happen.

“I did. I just happened to ask a lot of witches for alls.”

“And what did you promise all of them?” Yifan asks, finally touching on the issue.

“A firstborn.” Junmyeon whispers. He never expected this to catch up to him like this.

“Kim Ju- What the fuck were you thinking? This is manipulation and cheat- I know about a dozen laws that you’ve broken by doing this, just why?” Yifan doesn’t look completely angry, he just looks angry and confused.

“Look, I can explain -” but Junmyeon catches himself in the middle of the sentence, not sure how Yifan would react. He just doesn’t want Yifan to bolt and end up spilling everything to Baekhyun without letting him prepare himself first. The witch’s eyes narrow at him and Junmyeon dares to hope that he won’t just leave.

“What explanation could you possibly have for this situation?” Yifan asks, sounding doubtful, but there’s a hint of reluctance in his voice.

“It’s a long story.” Junmyeon hedges.

“We have all the time in the world now.” Yifan takes a seat on Junmyeon’s couch without prompting, still frowning at the bottles of alls in front of him.

Junmyeon opens his mouth, closes it, and regrets all his life decisions. “You won’t just leave?”

Yifan rolls his eyes. “No, but I will if you keep stalling.”

Junmyeon takes a seat too. Revealing his whole life story and what’s been driving him this whole time is going to take a lot.

“Well, it started from my mom.” Junmyeon looks everywhere but Yifan. “She was a witch, and she happened to be one of the nicest people in the world. I grew up on the road, with my parents going around to all types of disadvantaged places and my mom acting as a doctor of sorts and being able to help people by making potions to help cure their illnesses and problems, without asking them to pay what they couldn’t. I wanted to help people too, but I’m not a witch. I barely have any magic, so I decided to become a doctor. But then, while I was in school, my mom died in an accident, a drunk driver hitting her while she was driving home. My dad decided to settle for a more stable home and moved to the town he grew up, giving up my mom’s dream of helping people. So I dropped out of medical school and started trying to help people with potions, I’m just clearly a lot worse at this than she was.” Junmyeon finishes, looking over to Yifan to see how he would react.

Yifan just sighs, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples, seeming a lot less angry than he was earlier. “Alls? And the firstborn?”

“I can’t make potions, but if I have alls, I can just use it as a base and dilute it and add some ingredients and make a kind of makeshift potion that works. And this kind of job isn’t exactly giving me a lot of money, like my mom was able to support herself by selling excess ingredients and potions, while my dad had worked a steady job. I haven’t exactly told my dad about this, so I’m just trying to make a deal that won’t affect me too much.”

Instead of replying, Yifan reaches over for one of the smaller bottles of stewing alls and sniffs, before taking a sip. Immediately, his eyebags recede and his skin colour darkens slightly, no longer a sickly white that Junmyeon had thought was normal.

“You’re a fucking madman.” Yifan sighs, putting the flask down.

“But I’m an effective madman.” Junmyeon tries, seeing as Yifan had reached a level of given up.

“Okay. I don’t want to do this, but I’m going to help you fix things.” Yifan says, looking up into Junmyeon’s eyes.

“I see that my tragic backstory won you over.” Yifan sighs again, looking as if he wished that deciding not to murder Junmyeon was a bad choice. “Sorry. What are you planning on doing?”

“Well, we are going to go around to all the witches and apologise and repay them. Then you are going to stop basically stealing alls before you actually get into legal trouble.” That sounds like a fair plan, except the awkwardness makes Junmyeon kinda wish Yifan decided to go along with the other route.

“Okay. Can you come with me to make sure they won’t kill me immediately?” Junmyeon asks, not too sure why his gut says that one guy who seemed likely to kill him minutes before suddenly sounds like the least threatening out of the line of people soon to line up to kill him.

“I can’t exactly say no, can I?” Yifan shakes his head, but offers Junmyeon a small smile that says this would all be okay in the end.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me just yet. We’re not going to do it tonight, but you are going to apologise to Baekhyun first.” Yifan commands, and Junmyeon suddenly regrets everything.

“No! Baekhyun’s going to skin me alive.” Junmyeon protest, and Yifan nods.

“Look, if they find out that I knew and didn’t make you apologise to them first, they’re going to skin me too. I’m going to help, but I am not going to have Baekhyun come after me.” Junmyeon frowns, and Yifan reaches over to collapse on top of him in a sort of hug. “Don’t worry, I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“Alright.” Junmyeon replies, smoothing Yifan’s hair.

“Gods, this is how vigilantes are made.” Yifan mutters under his breath, and there was definitely sarcasm in that.

“Hey!” Junmyeon flicks Yifan’s ear and he sits up again, rubbing at his apparently wounded ear.

“I never said that it was a bad thing.”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes and gets up to grab his phone. Might as well get Yifan home before it officially becomes the next day.

“I’m going to call Baekhyun, but not a single word about any of this.” Junmyeon tells Yifan, holding his phone in one hand, thumb over the call button. Yifan nods and pretends to zip his mouth shut, and Junmyeon presses the button. No one answers. Not the first time, the second, or the next four tries.

“Guess they haven’t gotten home yet.” Yifan suggests, spreading himself out on the couch like he was determined to sleep there.

“Do you know your friend’s number? Um, Zitao?” Junmyeon asks, in the middle of what would probably be another unsuccessful call.

“No.”

“When I give you my number, the first thing I’m going to do is make sure that you memorise it.” Junmyeon mutters to himself, ending another call at the automated voice talking back to him. “I guess you can stay here tonight.”

“Okay. Then if all of this is settled, can we turn on the lights?” Yifan asks, and Junmyeon finally realises that he had not, in fact, automatically switched on the lights when they walked in.

“Oh. Yeah.” Oops. Junmyeon flicks the lights on and then picks up a flask, ready to finally start clearing up.

Yifan grabs a glass too, following Junmyeon into the kitchen to shove them all back inside their designated drawer. “So, are you still on for hearing me lecture for a few hours on some very random and unimportant section of potion-making after this?”

Junmyeon starts in the middle of stretching up to the top shelf, and Yifan takes his glass and puts both of them on the high shelf without any problem. “Wait, you still want to do that? I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with me after this mess.”

“Well, I’m still here, aren’t I?” Yifan asks, floating a few other bottles over from the living room and directing them onto the top shelf.

Junmyeon stares at Yifan, a bit in disbelief. The last time someone figured out he was doing this kind of stuff, he left immediately and then died in a car accident because apparently he was driving away too quickly. Granted, he was a little fucking bitch and gave Junmyeon a whole slew of mental issues that he’s still slightly working through, but still. Yifan tilts his head slightly, giving Junmyeon a small smile and trying for an expression besides shock. “You’re not that cute.” Junmyeon replies, a smile coming onto his face anyways.

“But it means you think I’m slightly cute, at least.” Yifan’s smile grows, following Junmyeon back to the living room where there are no longer any potions lying out and about, just all of Junmyeon’s papers. That’s a problem for tomorrow.

“Yeah yeah.” Junmyeon waves off, not turning back to Yifan to show him the smile that had completely taken over his face. Maybe it will be alright, even if Baekhyun does finally skin him alive.


	12. Then the Charm is Firm and Good

“You’re on time for once.” Yifan says in lieu of a greeting, and Junmyeon punches his arm in lieu of a greeting in return.

“I was never late in the first place!” Junmyeon protests, unwrapping his scarf and sliding into the seat next to Yifan, taking note of the slide show already completely set up on Yifan’s laptop.

“Your past actions beg to differ.” Yifan says again, hugging Junmyeon to make up for the offense. It doesn’t. Well, not completely.

“Yeah yeah, you’re paying.” Junmyeon demands, pulling his coat off around Yifan’s arms and holding his hand out for the card.

“On one condition.” Yifan removes himself, which would’ve been helpful three minutes ago when he actually required the use of his arms.

“What is this, a contract?” Junmyeon jokes, watching Yifan pull his wallet out from his back pocket.

“Yes.” Yifan replies, completely serious. Oh. Um. Shit.

“What is it?” Junmyeon folds his arms. So this is what Yifan was doing, lulling him into a false sense of security and striking when he would least expect it.

“I want your firstborn.”

“Okay, this isn’t that funny, I still have scars from the stupid apologies!” Junmyeon rolls up his sleeve to remind Yifan of that one witch who was very unhappy to learn she was tricked and nearly killed both of them by fire before Yifan managed to work out an agreement with her alone. Baekhyun was a lot more less pyromaniacal, but it still took Chanyeol and Yifan holding them back and promising his soul for the next five years before they considered the debt repaid.

“No,” Yifan shakes his head, “There’s a catch. You’re going to help me raise that firstborn.”

???

“Is this a roundabout way of you proposing?” Junmyeon asks, slowly unrolling his sleeve, watching as Yifan smiles, unable to keep his serious facade up for too long.

“Not proposing, just asking you to be my boyfriend. But if you want me to propose, it’s in progress.”

“Gods. Don’t just throw that out of nowhere.” Junmyeon hits Yifan on the arm, ducking his head to keep Yifan from seeing the smile and blush that suddenly appeared.

“Is that a yes though?” Junmyeon can hear the smile in Yifan’s voice, and a credit card slides into view, a peace offering or a bribe.

“Yeah. I’m not buying for you.” Junmyeon grabs the credit card and walks off to the counter, ignoring the smile spreading across Yifan’s face. Wu Yifan is absolutely horrendous, and Junmyeon is the one who let him be this way.

“Welcome to Antares Cafe, what do you want today?” Minseok finishes reciting the greeting and looks up to Junmyeon, considerably less shocked than Junmyeon at seeing the other.

“Minseok? What are you doing here?” The order on the tips of his lips disappears immediately as Junmyeon stares in shock, two different worlds coming together in a rather bizarre way. What happened to the guy who usually works the cashier at this time?

“I work here.” When Junmyeon doesn’t say anything, he sighs and continues on. “Look, that doesn’t exactly pay all of my bills, and I like working here, so you’re not going to say anything.”

The door rings as another customer comes in, and Minseok’s eyes snap towards the door and immediately away as if he doesn’t want Junmyeon to see that he’s intrigued by whoever just came through the door. Of course Junmyeon has to turn to see who it is, and makes eye contact with one Kim Jongdae, who was making a beeline for the near-lineless counter. Jongdae makes a shocked expression and gives Junmyeon a sheepish smile before changing route to a table instead, a panicked look in his eyes before turning away. When Junmyeon turns back to look at Minseok, he has a slight dusting of pink over his cheeks as he stares determinedly at Junmyeon, acting as if nothing had happened.

There’s definitely something going on between the two, and while Junmyeon’s going to decline on commenting with Minseok, Yifan and perhaps Baekhyun will have to be made aware of this immediately.

Junmyeon slides back into his seat, a cup of coffee and a cup of tea along with a very big slice of cake on his tray.

“I thought you said you weren’t getting me anything, darling.” Yifan comments idly, scrolling through his phone as he accepts his card back.

“Before you go on about that,” oh Junmyeon definitely would’ve blushed if he wasn’t so excited, “is there anything going on with Jongdae?”

“Jongdae?” Yifan looks up, confused. “Luhan and Yixing did mention something about Jongdae acting weird and leaving at certain times as if he wanted to see someone, why?”

“Look over there.” Junmyeon nods at the counter, where Jongdae headed for as soon as Junmyeon was gone, and seems to now be chatting up Minseok, both of them clearly in high spirits, as Jongdae does everything but buy something.

“Oh, Baekhyun’s never going to let him live this down.” Minseok looks up at that very moment and glares at Junmyeon, and they both turn around so quickly that Junmyeon fears whiplash when Jongdae also turns to see what Minseok was glaring at.

“Do you know the barista?” Yifan whispers to Junmyeon, trying to pretend to look like he was very engrossed in flipping through slides on his laptop.

“Yeah, he’s an old friend.” Junmyeon whispers back. “Well, we gave up that we’re together pretty quickly.”

“It’s okay, I asked Yixing when he was betting and waited because he’s going to give me half of what he wins to buy you dinner.” Yifan smirks, looking very satisfied with himself.

“You’re a horrible person. And they’re betting on us getting together?” Junmyeon whispers back, feeling anger and a kind of respect at the same time.

“Yep. The only few who are still in the game at this point are Chanyeol, Yixing, Jongdae and Luhan, and Yixing just won so you can bet that Jongdae’s not going to tell the others. He’s set for tomorrow.” Yifan says smugly, looking very happy with himself.

“So you’re saying that we’re going to have to oust ourselves in order to help Yixing win and get you some money?” Junmyeon asks, suspicious.

“Oh. Yeah.” Yifan’s smile fades, figuring out something wrong about this equation. “I mean, if you don’t want to, then you don’t have to, but...”

“What was the exact bet? When would we be official or when would we reveal ourselves?” Junmyeon asks, coming up with an idea.

“When we are official. If it was when we would reveal ourselves, the bets would be a lot weirder.” Yifan says.

“Then let’s take a selfie as proof and when Jongdae throws us under the bus tomorrow, we can pull this out and throw him under instead.” Junmyeon suggests, angling his phone in such a way that he could just see Jongdae talking to Minseok in the back. Sure, Jongdae wasn’t the clearest, but he’s seen Sehun figure out what Zitao was doing by looking at a three pixels in the background of some random person’s post. Jongdae’s not getting away from this.

“Have I ever told you that I love that you’re such a genius, darling?” Yifan asks, slinging an arm around Junmyeon’s shoulder as he smiles up at the camera.

“No, but I want to hear it more in the future.” Junmyeon reaches over to press a kiss on Yifan’s cheek at the same time as he presses the button. Yifan’s reaction becomes his background picture for the next few years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies to my mans WS up in the clouds or whatever cryptic area they've spotted teenage him in this time, you are a good man

**Author's Note:**

> Even if you're just sending me hate, please leave a comment, because I think they're fun to reply to and give me joy.


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